Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I Love Ddddruunkk Texts

Manfriend doesn't come home until Wednesday night.  

So of course if the cats away.....

12:21 AM - BlackBerry Messenger

"Omfg, soooo druk.....going hime now"

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Om NOm NOM...Something to Remember Me By

Did I mention tomorrow's my last day??

NO! BAD! Office Etiquette

Granted this is a Construction site but there is acceptable behaviour and retarded donkey fucker behaviour.

Leaving your dishes in the sink because you assume your mother or wife is going to clean up after your lazy ass is not acceptable.  There are people who like to wash their dishes daily and would like a clear & clean sink to do so.  Those people *ahem* have the tendency to toss your shit in the garbage. 

People who do not flush the toilet should have their toenails plucked gingerly, one by one.  No one needs to know how shitty your diet is. Literally.

Leaving used tampon applicators on the back of the toilet is just all kinds of disgustingly wrong.  The sad part, this has happened countless times. WTF.  Ok, so there's no small garbage cans in each stall but there is a stack of brown, waxed, paper bags on the back of the toilet, which you have placed your applicator on top of.  Next time, utilize those bags and place your feminine hygiene refuse in one then throw it in that massive garbage can right outside of the stalls.  K, thx bai.

Farmer Blows  into the kitchen sink...again...WTF. BAD! NO!

Taking a single bite out of a danish and placing it back with the rest.  Wrong. 

I don't even eat these but I noticed this happen 2 days in a row. Couldn't contain myself.
Apparently someone else felt the same.

Watching food rot and leaving it because it's not yours is not appropriate.  Again, your matronly enabler is not in the work environment.  Pitch in and throw it in the bloody garbage.

This was an empty desk that someone felt compelled to place bananas there in order for everyone to watch them rot.  This note was not of my doing but bravo! I have a lil bit more faith in Engineers.

This morning I see this next to my desk:
 A partially maowed cinnabun?  How could that possibly piss me off you ask?

 Last time I checked you don't dispose of food in recycle bins.  Generally if there is a blue bin in a OFFICE it is for PAPER ONLY.  Asshat. 


(Please do feel free to share your grossed out workplace experiences and passive-aggressive notes.  I eat that shit up!)

Saturday, July 24, 2010


Ok that subject line could mean something dirty and does sound rather dirty but it's not.  

Well I guess it is kinda dirty because there is crusty dust everywhere!  Who ever was the fucktard to come up with the idea of placing carpet in the cube farm in a construction trailer, deserves to be on the receiving end of a Donkey Punch. It's the OILSANDS...It's far more dusty and dry than Courtney Love's used up hatch snatch. 

All done now.  Needed a little venting.

So yes, I'm packing up my desk.  The last day working with this company is on Monday.  Been here since Oct 2008 so it's been a good stretch.   I start at this other project on Aug 3rd.  Manfriend is working there now and is eagerly anticipating my arrival.  We'll be in the same camp AND the same rotation.  This could be a bad thing for some couples but I think it'll be good for us.  You know what's bad for me?  Lack of regular sexin' time.   Having time off together at home every 6 weeks is bad too.  Besides, we have a Wii, PS3, 2 TV's, PC and laptop at camp to keep us separated.  By separated I mean Manfriend gets a break from my incessant need for attention.  I go so far as to get right in his face and go, "me..Me...ME MEMEMMEMEMEMME," then poke at his private bits.  So you see having 2 gaming consoles and the intertubes is very healthy for our relationship.  I get gaming and the world is dead to me for at least an hour.  

So I've been packing up my desk as well as developing Asthma from over exposure to dust.   Here's how it looked first thing this morn:

Stage 1..ok maybe some of it was that messy to begin with. shaddup.
This is after a couple hours. Oh and yes I bring my blankey to work.  My ass goes all waffle-ized from those damn chairs.
Ta-Da!  Now time for Nummy lunch and Blogging. *Pat-on-my-back*

So yes, this chapter in my life is coming to an end.  Jobs really are like chapters as your life is centered around them.  If my job is really atrocious I can behave like a cunning stunt but if it's decent I may appear to be somewhat of a well rounded individual.  Well kinda, sorta, but not really. 

Oh dear, almost forgot these charming pictures that Manfriend wanted me to post.  He actually does read my blog and enjoy it!  He will exclaim things to be "Blog Worthy."  These pictures and captions, which he also requested, are worthy.

How I see myself brushing my teeth.

How I look to Manfriend when I brush my teeth.

I Am Sizz-Fizzling. yo.

Manfriend doing what boys do best.  Pee on trees.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

A Bunch of Answers for Melicious - PS halfinthebag

And I'm doing as I'm told by Miss Melicious .

Had a few bevys so these answers are going to be quick or just full shite...fun none the less or at least just to me...at this point ..maybe not tomorrow morning when I read this.

1. If you could spend the rest of your life doing only one thing, what would that be?

That's easy.....sex.  Eating lovely fud also is right up there but licking private bits beats hands down.

2. What is the best thing you can bake/cook:

That's far too tough to answer.  It all depends on the person I'm cooking for.  I know a lot of picky people and I really try to cater.  Manfriend said I was one of the best cooks he's ever known and that is one of the most cherished compliments.  (We know some damn fine cooks and no he's not fully of shit just for brownie points since he really doesn't require those.)

3. What household chore is your least favorite?

Vacuuming the fucking stairs.  I loathe carpet due to allergies.  Anyone please please wanna install some hardwood and supply it at a reasonably discounted price?  ANYONE???!  I will do..*cough* favours. 

4. If you could bring three things to a deserted island, what would they be?

First: Johnny Depp in his early 30's (Yes bitches loved him since 21 Jumpstreet but in his 30's he would still be virile and able to have great conversations)
Second: Endless supply of fresh water.  
Third:  A magic genie who would zap me back to reality but with that life-long self satisfactory feeling and endorphin rush-like happiness.  (MY)FOREVER.

5. What's the next big thing you are thinking about splurging on? 
Renting a condo in Barbados with ma honey (aka Manfriend) for a bit during the Alberta winter. 

6. Post a current photo

Oh shit...I've posted plenty already.  I must post one now then.  Non=naughty

Thatsss pretty steady mmmhand i gots there for all le' vodka
  Shit...I totally see my nipple there.  Damn those bitches are tight still.  

7. If you could have ANY pet EVER, what/who would it be?


 AWWW...these herbivore, semi-aquatic, social rodents may reach as large as 232lbs (top weight recorded currently).  FUCK YEAH. I want to walk one of these giant critters in a leopard print, pink harness around the Calgary urban sprawl 'burbs.  Plus they do seem very neat and characteristic.   Kinda like me.  

8. Who is your favorite musician/band and why?
Dammit...can't answer that.  Too much.

9. What celebrity annoys you the most and why?  

Pam Anderson.  You're from Vancouver Island (Courtney) and PETA.  Sorry Vegans, not a supporter.  Oh and I was so like that before I moved to Alberta.

10. What has been your biggest letdown lately?

Life? Ha..just kidding.  

11. Worst job you have ever had and why?

Nikko's in Calgary.  Reggie, the french-pervert-bastard, and his bitch face cow girlfriends restaurant.   This was located at Stanley Park Place on MacLeod Drive.  Treated me worse than anyone on this planet and I went out of my way for these fuckwads.

You know what...money is never worth abuse.  Stop now and reflect.  

Karma is a bastard, they lost their business.  HA HA


12. Guilty pleasures?
Shit, my family reads this junk.  Well a few of them...which I appreciate so I resspkkt. yo

Ok...Sorry...I shall continue tomorra, as I am chatting with Manfriend on webcam.  He looks damn fine and vodka is involved here ppl.  ressppkt.

Wow...yeah I'm an asshole.



Mamdou of Mauritania is All Ronreee

There's another social networking site out there called Tagged.  Don't know if you've heard about it and I don't quite recall where I heard about it or why I put a profile up there but Oh Lawdy!  I get some gem messages on there.   So entertaining that every once in awhile I log in and just leave it open, showing that I am online in order to get more of these msgs.  (Yes I know I need to get a freaking life all right?!)

My profile pic is of Manfriend and I.  My profile states I'm in a relationship. 
About Me: If you're looking "to have relations," with me..save your fingers some typing and don't send me a msg.
From: Abdelmadjid D

hi how are u ? i look for everythin is good there.u look very cute .can u give ur msn or yahoo messenger.take care...........................  

From:  Ron


Finally I am in Calgary,AB.

How are you doing? I saw your profile that is really nice. I am 37/m/moved to Calgary first time with new job/single/no kids. I don't smoke/no drugs/drink once in while. I born in UK but was in USA from long time. I have my masters in computers from USA and I start
working as tech. manager in Calgary.

If you like, email me: ##############

we can talk on messenger also.

I hope we can be friend.

My Response:

Ron..did you read my profile or is this just a generic msg you are sending out to all the females you see from Calgary.
Happy Trolling.

Ron : We can chat on messenger.

Me:  No we can't.
From: Farid75 S
salut cava la jollie geann damme qui j.vue. ma belle ckret

Me: Where on my profile does it state that I speak french?

Farid75 S:
yes aiem speack franch ckret ma msn farid.75@live.fr

Me:  Well I don't if you didn't clue in from my profile. 

For some reason I get a shitload of msgs in french.  Oh this next one I just love.

From Soule 
First of all my most sincere greeting that I am mamadou of mauritania well I'd like to meet you because nothing is beautiful in life than the sincere friendship I'm alone I feel all I am single it is important for me you know if the bother you because you can not change of ideas because we diferente culture of the past 11 years I am looking for the woman of my life woman life woman of

First of all, I don't understand most of your message.
Second of all, I'm not the woman of your life if you read my profile.

you can  be my friends  no probleme  give  me your msn please

 Absolutely Not
 Heni just sent me a msg: hii how are you if you want me a good friend added me my msn is ##########

I realized I've deleted some of the gems like the one that said ...Hey bimbo get some boobs and get a tan.  Totally fucking random.  Jersy Shore Sausage Sucker. 

Vending Machines vs. Me

Vending Machines : Gazillion
Me: 1

This is how it goes down.

Leaving my room in camp, I walk past one of the staff fighting with the pop vending machine outside my hallway.  I laugh and say that I don't bother with that machine anymore it's evil.
Not too sure how much that cocksucker has stolen from me as sometimes I was plastered and logic dictated to me that if I put more money in, it would work.  We all know how drunk logic turns out in the end.  

I was on a mission for a Coke Zero from the machines in the main building.  I put the exact change in, which is all I had on me.  It doesn't count one of the quarters. Son of a bitch!  I exclaimed that loudly and decided to put in my select anyhow.  It dispenses!!!!  Coke Zero and an Orange Crush!  

That actually jams it up and causes me to skin my knuckle dislodging them.  Doesn't matter because I win at life.  Manfriend bursts my bubble by saying I only win for today.  Tomorrow I play again.

Check out  Photo Mann  for weird vending machines in Japan.  Also check out  Wired which lists a Marihoochie vending machine.  

*** Tonight, I will work on answering a zillion questions from Miss Melicious   .  I'm by myself in camp this eve and self love doesn't take up THAT much time. 

Monday, July 19, 2010

Days Off Recapp - Smashing plates, Still Not Smoking...and Not Eating Healthy

Mmmm Earl Grey Tea and Irish Cream.  Days off are mine and wholly mine to enjoy, especially my Monday.

The weather is the pits here today but it was pretty decent most of the weekend.  Apparently it was supposed to be pretty effin' hot when I was returning on Thursday...

Courtesy of Ms. Snaggletooth
It was kidlet'sn 11th Birthday so off we went for Greek.  On the way there I see this:

 Naturally, I was making fun of it, that's why I took the picture.  Manfriend tells me to hold on with the gey-bashing ( Please don't take that wrong way..as Janiece would say..I'm not a Haytah) till we passed the cab.  Yeah, I'm asshole.  Of course this cab is an Avacab  that donates a portion of the fare to Breast Cancer Foundation.  *Facepalm*  Just a reminder for me not to be so quick to judge and a roaring cow.  MOO

Manfriend had never been for Greek before but me thinks, he enjoyed it.  I know Kidlet and I thoroughly ravished our meals.
We started off with some Saganaki and Spanakopita which they did a fantastic job on.  The main courses were fantastic

It's Beef of course, this is Manfriends Meal.
Moussaka for Moi! Eggplant, beef, zucchini, tomato sauce, cinnamon and just damn tasty.
 Since it was kidlet's birthday she got to smash a plate which of course, is fun!  I wanted it to be my birthday so I could smash something too. Breaking things is fun even when you're sober. 

Awww..we try.

Look at this bitch.
One thing I have been craving like mad since I quit smoking is lemons. Yes that is a lemon in my mouth in the above picture.  I know when you are smoking it's best to take 1500mg of Vitamin C.  Smoking depletes it like mad but now I'm craving citrus like a sonofabitch. 

So Saturday was our big outting to Auburn Lake.  

My friend, and previous manager, Princess lives in those burbs and invited us out for the day.  It's a private man-made lake for which you pay fees for in order to access it.  They have all sorts of stuff like kayaks you can use there.  Princess was planning on just bringing some towels and sunblock for he and the kids.  Not us.  Noooo it was a full mission of chairs, blankets, towels, picnic basket, cooler and vodka. 
There is also water to hydrate after the copious amounts of sun and booze.

It was so nice to kick back and enjoy life a little.  

Princess is single ladies.  Pre-requisites: ditsy, kinky, psycho, and it would be helpful if you sample vajay-jay from time to time. 
If you live in Calgary you would be familiar with all the jack rabbits around.  This young fella was hanging in the volleyball court. 

AWWWWW, these are coyote bait in our 'burbs.
I should be getting my ass in gear and do all the adult responsibility things in order to get ready to head back to site tomorrow morning.

*Oh...41 days without a ciggie.  Once again I be rockin' your faces. 

**Big news as well...Manfriend said he is going to start on the champix  this week as well!  I've actually stopped taking it (5 days now) and hoping my metabolism kicks in because this whole weight gain while working my ass in the gym twice a day, is really starting to piss me off.  

I will Cut You Bitchez!


Friday, July 16, 2010

Damn Drunken Dogs

Here I am...back home again.  

It took a few plane challenges to make it mind you.  The site Calgary flight was supposed to leave at 4:30pm but apparently it brok'd on it's way up from Kelowna so it was diverted to Calgary where it laid down and had a wittle rest.  I'm pretty ok with not getting on that plane.  Still we had to get on the flight that stops at Edmonton and it was stifling hot with minimal air circulation.  

To make a cranky story short...I made it home.  We went grocery shopping STAT and then had some nice BBQ steaks, grilled zucchini, and salad.  I fucking love summer, by the way.

So I have this stupid girly addiction, which I blame on Manfriend, that I divulge in every time I'm home.  I go for a pedicure and get my nails filled.  In the burbs there is a crapload of businesses ran out of women's homes for discounted rates.  Sounds shady?  Naw, just comfy.  My nails, hair, and dog grooming all is done in some suburbia home near by.

This morning was wonderful.  There I was getting a pedicure, reading the new edition of Canadian Living Magazine, snacking on blueberries, while watching The Dog Whisperer.  Oh I was also chatting on MSN on my blackberry with this youngin' I know back east who told me I was very suburban house wifey like.  I replied with a Yup and thought...life is pretty damn good.  Plus my toes look sextastic.  

Of course, I got some even more snagglefrazz whoreish looking tips.  Matches my Manfriends shirt. 


Funny enough, I went to get my nails done, there was my hair dresser..reminded me I need to send her an email to make an appt for a trim.  She has baileys in her salon set up in her basement.  Booze and a haircut you say?  Book me in.

So back home I headed to shove food down my face hole.  It's so nice not to be in camp.

Oh it tasted fantastic.

I try to embrace the healthy living at home.  That damn dog of mine can't stay off the wine.

She has a problem.  Look at that conniving mug.

 Man friend has been working hard on the fence and finishing it up.  

Oh and the flower bed has survived!!  Takes quite a bit of reminding for CaveDweller (Manfriend's brother who lives in the basement and looks after house/critters) to water but they lived.  I knew he had it in him.

The front lil' dogwood bushes have survived as well.  It's a small start but looks way better!

Shay-Shay is such a cam-slut
Of course Manfriend has his own Go-Juice, I realized.

Kidlet and I were supposed to stain the fence..."antique brass"...but we've had a thunderstorm moving in and it's best to ensure you're not going to have rain in 24hrs after you stain. FYI..My dream job would be naming either carpet, paint or tile. That shit is wacked with no relevance therefore, perfect for me. 

So it's Kidlets 11th (real) birthday today.  She had a celebration earlier before all her friends went on summer vacay.   So this is what she was doing for a bit:

Yes, that is WOW.  Oh and a messy desk...shaddup and keepy your OCD organizational tips to yourself yo. 

So tonight, we shall dine...on Greek Cuisine.  Yes....I've been asking to go out for Greek for months.  Kidlet is my Bestest Homie.  werd.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Bugs & I'm Creepy too! *Update

This shall be my Bug post...hence the title. 

There's plenty of big nasty bugs up here.   I had a tar sands beetle land in my hair the other day.  It did not end well for it.

This is a Salmon/Stone Fly:

I met this lil guy this morning as I was motoring to work:

He is a Cicada ( I believe?).  I actually heard it first.  Not great walkers...just scratching around in the dirt. Incredibly creepy when flying.

Yes Cicada's are found in Alberta.  The Royal Alberta Museum  has some interesting facts about bugs found in Alberta.  

I am one of those weird girls who likes bugs.  I don't like them on me or anything creepy like that.  I just find them interesting.  Thank my Mom for that.  She taught me not to be uber girly and squeal with horror when I saw a bug.  My foot is 500 times bigger than bugs.  I have the means to defend myself. 

Oh of course when I was typing this...this landed on my drab cubicle wall:
I knew a guy who had "Mottephobia,"a fear of moths.  What. A. Pussy. 

*July 2010
This was a lil fella I saw before I was done my last gig there.

I heard it scratching around in the dirt. Creepy.

**Aug 18th 2010

Manfriend went to the warehouse and set me the msg stating something about this spider living there. It is living between two jersey barriers ( big ass cement blocks) with a pimping, mansion of a web. 

Apparently the guys actually feed her.  That is so mudderfockin' cool.