"Dodge The Father and Ram The Daughter"

"Dodge the Father Ram the Daughter"

Where was this?  In Edmonton of course.  It was also a chick driving it.  All Albertan class I tells ya. 

The last week has been the general whirlwind of appoints, socialization, cleaning, cooking, boozing, traveling etc.   When we drove back to Calgary last Wednesday afternoon the clouds were amazing.  I miss the BC Mountains but damn I love the Alberta skies.

The Maple Tree Grill out in the middle of nowhere was open again for the season! So we stopped along the way for dinner. 

It's very decent food and like I said, it's in the middle of nowhere.

View from our Table

The decor...well it's not unexpected in rural Alberta.

This is me at the end of a 10 day (10hrs a day) rotation. Pale because the life is drained from me.  Just kidding but not really.

Annnnd this is Manfriend at the end of a rotation.

The rest of the ride home was really decent especially because the amount of sunlight that is happening.  (Read: SOGLADWINTERISOVERFINALLY)

A new Victoria Secret opened up in Calgary which we tried to check out but when there's 30 people in line it can wait.  I have better things in life than to wait in line to buy panties like walking a few stores away and dropping too much cash at La Senza.  It's an addiction all right?  Damn, I need a closet just for my "unmentionables."


We came across this penis extension:

 

 

Also came across this:

FTW!

Another REALLY WEIRD thing:

He's going to kill me for that picture.  

He had a function to attend so he had to dress up.  When Kidlet and I saw him our jaws dropped and we started taking pictures (What did we do before camera phones?!?).  He's been doing the Fort Mac grind for so long that we forgot what he looked like dressing all respectable and stuff. 


I'm sick as a dog right now so blogging isn't coming enthusiastically but before I go I just wanted to wish all you Momma's a Belated Happy Mother's Day! 

Oh Also I did receive a SBD (Silent But Deadly) Award from Brucey but I will have to get to that when some of the funny has zapped back into me.

Tootles!

 

Manfriends PEEN Hat

 

It would've been brilliant if he was wearing a beige, winkled, turtleneck.

As you can see things are quiet as it's TOO FUCKING COLD to work.  Well not for us staffers.  We get to go to work because we're in our non-chushy offices.  All the craft remain in camp since it is -37 C which feels like -45 with windchill up on site. 

I am sick of the cold.  Sick of being cooped up.  Sick of my winter/vacay weight.  We have started going to the gym and hopefully I can drop 15lbs without resort to methamphetamines.  FINGERS CROSSED!  I'm totally kidding.  For one, I have skin that doesn't need scabby sores to accent my cheekbones.  Second, dentist are rapingly expensive so I try to practice good dental hygiene.  Smoking meth is not a good example of good dental hygiene, in case you were wondering. 

Oh if you having seen the guy plowing through a crowd of cycling activists in Brazil, you can watch it here.   It's a holy-batman-shit-balls kind of thing.  

Also check out this mentally unstable half wit Rep Bobby Franklin from Georgia.
He has proposed a bill that:  "Would require that women who miscarry prove that there was "no human involvement whatsoever in the causation" or they could become felons."  (From: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/577/966/572/ )  I seriously  fucking hope that a bill like that would not pass.  The amazing thing is his Administrative Assistant is Andrea Postell who I'm guessing is the one who typed up the draft for this bill.  I don't know about you ladies but there's not a freaking chance I would type up such asinine, oppressive, bull shit.  She should be stripped of her vagina. 
Check out the first link for his other proposed bills. They're  a treat...really.  

That's all I have to share today.  You kids play safe out there.

  

Manfriend Math

My honey made a funny. 

Once again being the diligent IT guy at work he sends me this:

=

Yeah, he's a keeper.

Oh and then he sent me:

A corset with My Little Pony material!?!?!?  I'm so doubly keeping him!

Vegetables

No idea who the originator of this is but I received this in a email last week and had to share..   You dirties will enjoy.

Oh and that Manfriend up to his Shenanigans... He asked, "When you get 50 followers I get ANAL."  I said told him to try 1000 (because it tain't happening. and he rebutted with, "For 1000 it should be ATM." 

I WAS assuming I would be on the receiving end, perhaps I should rethink these negotiations.  

*Tap*Tap*Tap* You're Where?!

So back tracking to oh I don't know..many many rotations ago...... For those who don't work this type of gig, rotation means the long ass shift where you are away from home.  i.e. 10 days of 10 hr shifts in a row while you stay in camp or a rental unit nearby. 
Oh and this is what the camp, where we are at, looks like in the winter:

It was a long and challenging one as I had just started with this company and there was some high stress points/learning curves without appropriate training leaving me feeling fucking retarded.  To sum it up. 

What's so hard?!? FUCK YOU...It's hard without the detailed and appropriate instruction.  How do you use a computer?  Just turn it on and there you go, you'll know what to do.   Asshats.

So yeah, there was some drinking involved in that rotation.  Not so much, Hey look at me I'm trying to do healthy living and go to the gym regularly. WEEE FUN!  More like.. Get out of my fucking face people, I'm going to go drink that fucking face off in my camp room, eat junk food, and perhaps put out for my man.  It was a memorable time.  


One really awesome thing about this time was that Manfriend started taking my Champix in order to quit smoking. Effin' Boss right?! Helllllz YEAH!


This ingestion of Champix and late nights were what lead up to the single most funniest gawddamn thing I have ever seen Manfriend do. 


There I was passed out  in a deep sleep and I vaguely remember hearing this faint tapping.  I was getting all real pissed like because I thought manfriend was doing something in the other room.

 *side note: Kinda like a livingroom but not really. It's the other room that does not contain a bed. The bathroom is right between the two rooms with the main hallway door right across from the bathroom.

*tap*tap*

grrr

*TaP*TaP*


GrrrRrRr


*TAP*TAP*TAP*TAP

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Growling, I called his name out a few times hoping he stop doing whatever the hell it was.  Then I heard in an angry shouting like whisper, "I'm in the Hallway." 


This caused me to promptly sit up in bed wondering....what the fuck is going on?? I stared into the darkness for a second, which seemed like an eternity and probably even longer to Manfriend, jumped up and headed to the door.  


I opened the door.


There Manfriend was....in the hallway...NAKED. 

Not even a banana-hammock to cover his bits. (Not that he actually owns one of those.  There's always Christmas!)  He often sleeps in boxers but not that time.

He rushed in and promptly jumped into bed.  There I was still with the door open, my mouth agape.  The thought occurred to me that there was absolutely no bloody way I can even begin to comprehend this situation at 3am in my present state. 

This whole situation was tucked away in my grey matter until I had been awake for 3 hours, had breakfast, tea, working and ready for my first break.


Finally, I walked into Manfriend's office next to mine, and asked, "Ok wait..What..Why..WHAT THE HELL?!"  I was pissing myself laughing.  I just about started to hyperventilate.  Also I had said to his embarrassed face, "See..this is why I blog because MY LIFE and THE PEOPLE IN IT are constant sources of fuckery and entertainment!"  


He claims he took a left when he should've taken a right to get to the bathroom and once he heard the click (doors are key card activated) of the door behind him, he realized he was locked in the hallway.  


In his defense, when he was taking the champix there was a few other night time/sleep walking incidents.


One important detail though...he never went to the bathroom after he returned to the room....dum dum dummmmm

That moment turned a shitty ass rotation into much hilarity and bloggy material. Thanks Honey, you help even when it's not intentional. 






**Disclaimer: It took a lot of begging but Manfriend allowed me to post this story.  Just so you his family members know, I had his permission to post this excruciatingly embarrassing moment of his life to share with the internet.