First Day of Spring was March 20th....Right?

This is the way it looks March 23rd:

Front

And back...just in case it might be different

This has been one damn long winter.  If we didn't spend 2 weeks in the Bahamas I'd either be fetal or stabby.  Depending on the day of course. 

Our BBQ has a sad.  This should be prime season to fire up the BBQ and start cleaning up the yard in preparation for gardening.  The older I get, the more I love gardening.  I find it therapeutic and rewarding but do not get to indulge in it as much as I would like.   Calgary will not be my place of retirement. 
I can't even walk my poor old doggy in this crap.

I give her plenty of cuddles and ball throwing to make up for it. 


It's about time I get my poop in a group and head to my appointment for Allergy testing. Oh after talking to several people at work I know what in for and definitely not looking forward to it.  However, at least I'll know what the hell I'm allergic to instead of the whole guessing thing.  Anyone who's going to quit smoking, don't be surprised if your allergies smack ya like a shovel to the face.   At least you get rid of the nicotine lung butter.

Really, I Got Nothing.....

Pretty much dry in what to post about but I felt that I should post.  I'm trying to be dutiful here.  So um...well I'm still at work up in Northern Alberta where it is nicer than the shit show snow storm happening in Calgary.  The Client is making us move to a camp that we do not like but there is nothing we can do other than suck it up.  That can be difficult when you think that we may be here for another year and we spend more time here than we do our own home.  What are we going to do?  Make the best of it of course.

Know what's awesome?  I'm flying home tomorrow on the 4:30 flight instead of 8pm on Wed.   The reason why is I'm going for Allergy Testing at Dr. Doctor's office (I shit you not, his last name is Doctor.  Talk about twice the ego!) and after talking to a few people here.....it's not going to be fun.  At least I'll have my doggy to cheer me up.  

One thing I will be doing that may fuel the creative blogging, is heading to Banff with Snaggletooth. We're heading for a couple nights to do some snow shoeing and party pretty much.  We usually have quite the fuct up adventures so stay tuned. Hopefully we won't be puking as much this time.


Know what else is awesome?  Your Fiancee saying that you're an immensely (Like a million times...)better cook than his mother and ex-wife.  Fuck yeah. Better recognize.

If you live somewhere warm, soak up some Vitamin D and send it my way will ya?

(Here's some stuff that made me giggle)

I admit that Manfriend explained this one to me.....what is to the far right corner of your screen right now??  Hahah

I suspect there's a few of us bloggers that fit this.

One Ad, One Attempted Scam

After many attempts by the numbnuts from The Brick we finally recieved both our fridge and stove.  A whole part of the sale was that we could pick a date for when we were home to have both items delivered at the same time.  This way it could give us time to sell our old fridge and stove.  No rush..no stress, ya know?

Nnnyyyeaah that's not the way it went down.  We had countless calls to our home phone, which we asked them not to call since we work away from home, trying to deliver just our fridge.  We continuously had to call over and over to their useless call center asking to ensure that the next delivery date would be during a certain time frame and WITH THE RANGE AND FRIDGE.   Then we get a call...at home...when we're at work up north...that they have a delivery date for when we're not home.  OhmyfuckinggawdI'mgoingtoburnsomething.  We call to cancel and rebook.  2 Days later they don't have the fucking range stove that we have already paid for and that they are supposed to hold for us.  WE PAID FIRST. I don't care how long you have to mudderfocking store that shit for us..you HOLD it.  Then she says they're not making that model anymore.  
Right.  Call the Stores Sales Manager.   Apparently this Manager is new and can't do anything without an invoice number.  We're over 800 kms from home. Not happening.  Give up.  Going to cancel and demand a refund if they don't correct this weekend.

We fly to Calgary Wednesday eve...get to sleep around midnight.  7:30 AM the Brick decides that they're going to deliver both appliances between 12:30-3:30pm that day.  Seriously?!   Manfriend and Kidlet have a doctor's appointment at 1030am.  Guess who decides to show up early?  Brick Delivery.  Are you freaking kidding me?  Nothing gets delivered on time when you're ready for it.  Am I right?
The entire day is a clusterfuck between deliveries, grocery shopping, cleaning appliances, picking up Kidlet, picking up Laura from bus depot and selling the old appliance.
I wanted them gone from ASAP.  We don't have a garage so they are sitting in the Living Room on cardboard.  Ew.  So I promptly placed an Ad on Facebook MarketPlace, Craigslist, Kijiji, and Buy&Sell. (Can you guess which one the attempted scam came from...I bet you can!)  This is how all my ads appeared:


2007 Frigidaire Fridge and Stove (White)


Both Fridge & Stove for $300 Cash only- Non Negotiable.  In great working order.  Perfect for a starter home.  Ready for pick-up today.

At such a cheap price I had plenty of callers/emails of interest.  Basically they were sold with the first inquiry.  I'm proper and replied to the emails informing them the appliances was sold.

I replied to this email:

(I am not blanking out this choade's email since A. He's a scammer B. I don't care.)

From jamessmart2222@gmail.com to sale-9kckj-223@craigslist.org date Thu, Feb 24, 2011 at 3:57 PM subject Fridigidaire 2007 Fridge & Stove (White) - $300 (Calgary, AB) Date: 2011-02-24, 8:36AM MST Re

** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid:  wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info:  http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html

--

Hi,
Is this item still on for sale?

Simple enough right?  This is my reply:


Hi there, sorry for the late response.
Sorry but the fridge and stove sold quickly.  Thank you for your inquiry.

Cheers!

So I send those email to the trash and thought that was the end of that. 

11:09pm  This email arrives:
james smart

Hello,
Thanks for the prompt response and i will love to make an instant
purchase, so please do  withdraw the advert from Craigslist, i don't
mind adding an extra $50  for you to take  the advert down from
criagslist so that i can be rest assured that am in hand of the items.

I  will also like you to know that i will be paying via check, and it
will be over night payment due to the distance .You don't need to
bother your self with the shipment ok, i will take care of that, so i
will need you to provide me with the following information to
facilitate the mailing of the check.

1.Your full name.
2.Your mailing address be it residential or postal address.
3.Your phone number.
 I assure you once again i will take care of shipping.

Have a nice day.



Regards,
james.

To which I replied:

Where may I ask are you shipping it to and how do you to ship the items?
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

I was curious to see where this dumbass planned to ship a fridge and stove and if they even READ the ads.  People actually fall for this shit?  Sometimes I feel that those people deserve to be scammed for not using their spongy grey matter.

You may have noted I stated CASH ONLY and this knob says "
I  will also like you to know that i will be paying via check." Really?  Well if you're not going to give me a choice you could at least spell it properly. CHEQUE.

I did think about fucking with him further but he didn't respond to my last email.  I'm insulted.  I wish I was smart enough to figure out how to send these scammers viruses.  I'm not so I just sent the emails to Craigslist support to bring it to their attention and well, share his email with the blogosphere. (I'm sure there's plenty more email addy's in supply)

One other thing I realized this weekend.  I'm like old and shit.  I was excited to get home appliances.  Here they are:

 Ooohhh Shiny!  Now we have to buy a new dishwasher and hood fan to match but hey, in due time.  I'm pretty stoked to have a flat top induction stove with convection oven.  I enjoy cooking and it's a treat to have decent tools to work with. 

Well it's off to get showered and nails! I'm taking my friend Laura as well and treating her to a mani-pedi, which she has never had.  So it's going to be totally awkward (for her) and amusing (for me).  


I'll leave you with pictures of the 2 that seem to be gassy and farting in my direction this morning.

Shayla dropped a bomb first

Brady dropped the second bomb.  Of course they were on either side of me at the time.

 

I Want to Get Stabby

I try not to bitch about work too much because it's mundane and I want to keep my job.  I kinda like getting my nails and hair done not to mention traveling to tropical countries.  That's why I don't mention where I work other than the Oilsands and there's a greasy, nutsack load of projects up here.  
There was only one ranting post previously and it's basically about the same subject. 

I get safety, I mean I've been roomies and friends with plenty of HSE folk and HSE Managers.  I know why it's in place and the benefits.  I also know when some fucks don't have enough work to do that they try to justify their position.  The fat fuck they have as a Manager here is one of those.  Seriously, they put Peter Griffin in charge and he is gluttonous with power.  He's also a sexist prick but that's a whole 'nother story.  We shall call him Shipoopi
I'm not alone in my opinion of this individual, trust me.  Of course I have to be nice to his face otherwise I'm sure he would following me around spotting enough imaginary safety infractions to get my ass fired.  I don't work in the field, I work in the office but I have no doubt he could do it. 
So what did he do today to piss us off?
In my last post I told you how we were tormenting the dieters (Biggest Loser Challenge) by buying a breadmaker and flooding the office trailer with the aroma of fresh baked bread.  The plan has worked wonderfully and even though we ran out of flower after 2 loaves, others have gone into town to purchase bread flour and yeast.  (Who isn't a bread junkie deep down?)
Next time I should listen to my gut instinct and started a little bet to see how long Shipoopi it would take to find an issue with it.  The magic number? 4...Four fucking days.
This morning he waddled and wheezed his ass into the Project Managers Office to complain that we didn't have a proper bread knife and that someone might cut themselves.  So no bread baking/cutting allowed until we have a proper knife. 

You see what I mean about not having enough work to do?  It's a fucking serrated knife that everyone is quite apt at operating.  It does not require a Construction Work Instruction.  


This incident is what made me want to get stabby.  Know what doesn't?  Flying home today!!  This has been the longest rotation ever, mostly due to the fact we haven't been for a full rotation since before Christmas.  I'm looking forward to sleeping in our bed, sleeping in till 7am, hanging with the Kidlet, and playing with Shayla (my lil' fat dog.)

Snowballer.

She loves eating teh snow.

One other thing I'm looking forward to is finally meeting my friend Laura from Awesome Days and Awkward Nights . We met on Chizzat which was one of the first generation applications on Facebook.  She was residing over on the East Coast but now is going to school in Brandon, MB.  Since it's her 'Reading Break' I told her to come visit in Calgary.  The bitch listened!   She's younger, and I'm a bad influence so it should be interesting and hopefully she can avoid jail time.

One More Speed Bump to Go

For the first time in 3 years we were home before Dec 22nd.  We thought we would have the tree up early, shopping done, cookies baked, and all the usual Christmas hoo-hah done early. 
December 20th.
Manfriend:  I'm not feeling so well.
Me: *feels his forehead* well you don't have a fever.
Manfriend: My skin feels all scratchy.
Me: No it doesn't.
Manfriend: *Looks pathetically at me*
Me: No...we are not getting the flu again right before Christmas.  Take some Tylenol.  I feel fine. 
We both lay down on the couches.  1 hour later....
Manfriend: You ok honey?
Me: *Wearing flannel pjs at 6pm under a blanket shivering*  Nooooooo.
The stage of denial is over and pathetic acceptance has taken over with a high fever.  My skin is burning so much that Kidlet is wetting paper towel with cool water and dabbing it on my face.
Ok, I had the swine flu (of course..I get every fucking thing that comes along since I was a kid) and it wasn't as bad as this.  Swine flu just lasted a long time. This flu....I thought I was going to need a rectum transplant. 

Long story short, and to spare you further gross details, we still didn't get a Christmas tree up.  It's never going to be up any earlier than the 23rd.  And lemme tell ya, nothing gets you in the Christmas spirit like last minute shopping, while still recovering from the flu, in places like Walmart.  After that...flu or not I guzzled had a drink. 


  We did however buy a new fake tree and I don't want to hear any preaching from "Real Tree," lovers.  Whats the point when it's only going to be up for a week.  Plus people actually pay for tree's out here.  I grew up in a place where we drove down a logging road and had our pick. If I'm gonna fork up cash for a tree it best be lasting quite a few years.

  So I was a bit grinchy this year and only brought up a few decorations before we bought the tree.   This is because the last couple years, guess who takes down the damn tree and ends up hauling all the boxes into the basement because she gets tired of staring at them by the stairs.  Yeah...that's right...Me.  So since no one likes to help they decorate by my rules.
  Our new tree is pre-lit with white lights.  We go into Canadian tired for a meat thermometer and I find myself wandering to the Christmas isle.  I see blue LED lights.  OOoooo la la. I call Manfriend over and ask if he doesn't mind the blue lights.  Then we see 2 large containers.  One of blue bulbs, one of silver.  I asked if he was down with a themed Christmas tree.  He is right kosher with it and always wanted to do one. 
So my grinchy bitch went away AND there's 3 containers to put everything away.  1 for the tree, 2 for the blubs and we'll just shove the lights ....somewhere. 

Ignore the mess around the tree.  It does not exist.

We even put lights around the window.  Festive, I know. We even baked 4 types of cookies.  Guess who doesn't eat cookies and had to do most of the clean up/baking. Mmmhmm


Shayla aka Fat dawg was forced into the festivities. She really is a camera ham.

She really wanted to get a piece of that Tigger action. Aka violation.

We also got Cavedweller's cat Aria in on the festivities.  Basically we got her all hopped up on catnip and honeysuckle wood (cats love that shit).

Her "Fat Freddys Cat, " Catnip cigar.

Kitty got her drugs and fat dawg got her favourite:  A vibrating toy. 

High-five for Good Vibrations!

On Christmas early morn we packed up the truck and headed off to Edmonton to Manfriend's Sister's place with Snaggletooth following close behind.  I shall call her O'OrganizedOne.  Cavedweller (his brother) and his mother were already there.  
It was very wintery in Edmonton but us tough girls went out for a stroll because everyone else was sleeping or on their laptops.

A position Snaggletooth is used to.

We actually got called out by a bunch of kids taunting us with snowballs.  Snaggletooth was disappointed because I kept walking as they taunted.  She says I'm losing my edge. I say I hate fucking snowball fights. 


So yay..Christmas is over.  The next speed bump is New Years Eve.  Then it is only 5 days till we head to the Bahamas. OMFGIAMSOGAWDDAMNEXCITED GETMEOUTOFTHISBITCHASSSNOW.  So far we have a booze/snorkel cruise booked as well as a kayaking/snorkle/Cave exploration thing booked.  We also booked a flight from Freeport to Nassau and going to spend a weekend there as well. 

He's gonna kill me for this picture.  No one is pretty when they have the flu.

Ok, ok.  I've done my bit of bragging.  I hope you all had a Merry Christmas or whatever you may Celebrate.  Play nice or naughty but have fun.

Gratuitous smootch shot.