"Natural Harvest " Cooking with Semen?

Once again McBoobs sends me an email:

I need that sperm cook book!!! Can you find it for me again?? I looked up one but I am NOT looking it up again LOL 

My Response:

OMFG …what is wrong with you?  Wait…you’re friends with me.

Here ya go:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/natural-harvest---a-collection-of-semen-based-recipes/5198959

The description is as follows:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

I don't know about you but I wouldn't call a slimey yet sinewy texture...wonderful. 

" Semen is inexpensive to produce."  No shit sherlock.  Just make sure you invest in Gatorade and keep him hydrated. 

 

"commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants."  WAIT WHAT THE FUCK.  Granted if there's a male living in your household there's enough semen to see from space with a black light but in a Restaurant?! That gives me an awful image of chefs whacking off in every creme brulee, roux, cheese sauce, and every ramekin at hand!

 

"Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist."  That exciting twist is fucking SEMEN IN YOUR FOOD.  Not like the natural way of ingesting semen with a water chaser.  No...It's taking over your damn kitchen and acting as a binding ingredient in your baking!!! 

 

This is one of the many things that is wrong with the world.  However, if you do want to buy it for me just drop me an email. K? Thx Bai! 

 

 

A Quick Turtle Burger... *Update*

Pull your potty humour minds outta the gutter.  

This is the Turtle Burger I'm talking about :

Yes my friends, that is hot dogs wrapped in ground beef then wrapped in bacon.  I do believe there is cheese there.

This delightful, stroke inducing snack was brought to my attention this morning.  A coworker who I shall call...TurtleHead ( He's gonna kill me if he clicks "potty humour," link I posted above).  No hard feelings though ok Turtlehead.  You're a cool cat and all even if you do play WOW. 


Apparently you can find this recipe from Follow My Recipe ! Kudos for her and her recipes along with the fantastic photos!

What If You Just Keep Him Hanging?

Bruderheim, AB.

*Title inspired by disturbed friend on Facebook.  His is from Port Alberni after all.

We got a shot of this gem on our long drive from site (Ft. McKay to Calgary).  At least they're getting with the modern age and being creative.  Gotta give 'em points for that.  

For those who care, day surgery went fine as in there were no complications but my questions aka pain has not been answered.  I think I will be working on a second opinion especially since my OBGYN who performed the surgery will no longer be available.  You know how I found out?  By calling to book in April, like she asked, for the follow up.  At first the Bitchface Receptionist said, "No, she's no longer at this clinic."  In the most snottiest tone possible I asked, "Well WHY would she ask me to book in April?!  I just bloody had surgery!"  Bitchface: "Oh, I didn't notice this but it's April 27th.  You can come in on April 27th at 9am."  There's no give with this people in general.  They give you an appt and act like there's no other date that you can come in.  They've done this when they've canceled my appointment which I have carefully chosen due to my work schedule.  They can't grasp that I don't fucking work in Calgary and I book appointments due to that fact.  Ok so long story short they suck and they won't budge.   This time they're being honest.  April 27th is the only gawd damn day that she is seeing patients.  Of course I'm working up North.  So I booked it tentatively but I'm none too impressed.  This doctor did not inform me that she was leaving and she's not taking her patients. 
I'm sore and frustrated to say the least.

I also haven't slept much with a head full of pain meds so I'm a bit snaggley and emotional.  Also not too bright.  Guess who decided too just save some time &  $$ and buy a box of Hair Dye right after she had surgery?   Guess who's front bangs, which were bleach blond, went a shade of greyish green?   Yeah a big ol' epic fail.  I called up my hair dresser who has a home salon nearby.  I shamefully admitted what happened and she squeezed me in for 8am this morning.  She had a good laugh at me for sure. 

I've learned my lesson.

Even though I'm blah and still can't wear jeans (seriously I'm 2 sizes bigger from swelling & bloating) we are having a BBQ.  It's like 6 fucking degrees in Calgary....in February!  That is astonishing.  Thank Mother Earth for Chinooks!
We shall be BBQ some asstastic ribs, which I boiled with onion, garlic, and spices last night.  Kidlet and I will be making a Stout BBQ sauce that is damn fine.  Also we are making some Japanese chicken wings  (Totally low fat with all that frying in butter.)  Also going to grill zucchini with fresh Parmesan, lemon, cracked pepper, and parsley.  Haven't decided on what salad dressing I'm going to make but it shall be tasty, naturally *scoff*.   For appies we got some fresh baked herbed bread with garlic olive oil (Kudos of Snaggletooth) and a balsamic reduction for dipping.  We'll do up some cheeses, pickles, and veggie sticks.  That's just a staple at our house.  
We love food and entertaining.  It's been quite sometime since we've had anyone over but we can't seem to find enough people to come!  Everyone is busy in Winter..weird.  Or nobody likes us anymore.  Hell even if they didn't like us they would still come for the food.  


Now I know I'm supposed to tell you about our travels but I've just been so wrapped up in the now.  I promisess I will tell ya about it and post some pictures...at some point. 
For now here's a few shots. (They're totally random, you can't expect order from me now can ya?)

Port Lucaya...finally found a place that serves flavored vodka and soda.

Our Beach

Nassau - The Forever Bathroom

Port Lucaya

We don't have this in Canada, or we just haven't come across this evil goodness.

Coral Reef Bar - Where we spent a majority of our time.

Coral Reef Pool.  Too damn cold to swim.  We spent more time in the ocean. 

Happy Feet indeed.

Icky Icky Sicky Sicky

This is gonna be a quickie because I'm a sickie.  Not like dirty in the head sickie...I have a cold.  Manfriend and I both came down with a bug our first day back to work so we took a sick day on Monday. 


I didn't even look at the intertubes.  An entire day on the couch and no bloggity blog. 


Told ya I'm sick. 


Manfriend is all chipper and on the mend and I seem to be worse today. 

Creativity and blogging isn't high on my list of priorities right now but I will be back soon.  Bloggerstock is coming up so I gotta get better so I can drink and type.   It's the best, believe you me. 
Also, I will be laid off from December 15th till Feb 1st.  Meaning there will be plenty of penny pinching and blathering blog time. 
Except those 2 WEEKS I will be in FREEPORT, BAHAMAS.  Not that I'm bragging or anything...hah hah bitchez..j/k loves you 4Eva! Don't hate, keep reading my blog pretty please. 

Oh I just wanted to share this pic of two Hot Mamas (who aren't really Mamas):

Couldn't you just pinch us?!?

 Snaggletooth and I were out with some other hotties for All You Can Eat Japanese & Korean BBQ.  

Being Vegan just wouldn't work for me. 

 Oh you know what's not a good idea?  Wearing a corset and going for all you can eat. I had to keep drinking to force the food back down my throat tube. 

So off I go for a few days to get better and do the work thing.  
I'm still reading blogs, naturally. So keep 'em coming you crazy, wild, dirty, trampy, lovely, warm, pervy, cheeky, poetic, talented...Bloggers!