I'm a Bad Blogger ...In the Summer

Quick post just to let you know I'm not dead or floundering in a ditch somewhere.  What's been going on?  Black Keys & Cage the Elephant Concert, went to Lake Kooncanusa in BC, Went to Work, Slammed at work, dealing with complete utter bullshit at work, having some good laughs at work, litter sister visiting from Vancouver Island, Stampede (read: Liver Killer), Katy Perry Concert, Back to Work now and heading to Penticton on the 28th. 

So that kind of sums it up.  I will be regularly posting once the Alberta Weather turns to the dark side of evil snow.  

Oh some pictures I will leave you with is of what we did to my officemate (Gingermate) desk when he decided to take holidays. 
Hope you're all having a fantastic summer!!

Wanna See My Puss?! It's Finally Starting To Grow In!

 

Erm...Look at the pink name tag.   What did you think I was talking about you dirty birds. (Speaking of which, check out the dirty Meeses in the background at it again. tsk.)

I found this guy while Snaggletooth and I were in Banff.  There was also a pig & a dog 'Grow Me,' but naturally I had to buy this one. 

First day back at work I went to the kitchen to grab water to soak it and Gingermate is in there.  I say to him, "Gotta get some water to soak my Puss."  Game on.

You keep the Grow-Me's in the plastic container in order to germinate. It ends up looking like this:

Gingermate says, "DAMN, Your Pussy is ALL Sweaty!."  

Few Days later..

I exclaim, "YAY!  My Puss is finally starting to grow! Before you know it I'm going to be trimming that puss back."

Real mature right?  Mature and pure awesome office fuckery.  


Oh this is the entire grow-me family today:

The other two...well...they're past their prime but I have a hard time letting go.  However, I would file them under 'G' if I could find a gawddamn Chia Pet but apparently they only sell that shit at Christmas. 

A coworker of ours was heating home made, frozen, lunch in the toaster oven.  Now this was in a small appropriate tin and the oven was set at 300 F with a timer on for 20 mins.  He comes back to grab his lunch to find out it's still frozen as someone had turned it off and posted this sign:

 Really?  Do you fucking stand there crouched over your stove until your cookies are done??  This is just another example of the let-me-wipe-your-ass-for-you-because-you're-not-capable-of-operating-toiletpaper- Safety.  


So I ran into our coworkers office and posted the below sign.

There's so many other things I want to blog about like a couple of awards I've received, how stupidly expensive Vets are, the tween party at our house last weekend AND meeting the wicked awesome Kage!  I didn't even hump her leg. I know I'm pretty impressive sometimes.
However, I'm just slammed again.  Meaning busy with work and that life thang.   Sooooooo....BRB!




Oh and I would like to say to some of the Calgarians out there...HAH HAH Not a flake of snow up in the Great-Not-So-White-Northern Alberta.
Make sure all that white stuff is cleaned up for the 20th, will ya?



 

Panty Sniffer & Fun with Fanager *Update

It's been a quiet rotation due to the weather.  It was too cold for the craft to work (-35C to -40C) so they were sent home for a week.  This has left many of us with (I'm not going to say too much time on our hands because there's never enough time in this short life) more time to focus on pranking each other. My last post had to do with Gingermate leaving his PC unlocked and ending up with not so nice background images like:

Or:

Now I'm not trying to hate on Morbidly Obese people here, this is what the guys are doing and well...it's just plain not nice to look at.


So Fanager left his computer unlocked and Gingermate all over that like a Preacher on a choir boy.


This is what Fanager's Desktop looks like:

I think I peed a little when I Gingermate found this picture.  People starting asking questions as to how I Gingermate finds all these pictures.  It's like they're a bunch of internet virgins.  HELLO IT'S THE INTERNET, ARE YA NEW HERE?  There's thing that can not be unseen even when googling sweet baby kittehs. Shit these people need to get on the intertubes more.  
Pffft, probably haven't even watched, "2 Girls 1 Cup."  N00bs.






*Update:  Apparently I lost a follower because of this post.  Now I'm not all crazy about how  many followers but I liked the round number of 50.  *Makes Pouty Face*
I think it was probably the preacher comment.  Must be that. Yeah. 


*Double update I forgot to include the panty sniffer comic that had me in stitches.

It's the F-Bomb Cold Out There!

Still stuck in the bloody deep freeze.  -39 outside this morning and that's just ugly. I want to cry.
But I won't.
I shall blog and post some random sh*t.  You outta be used to that by now.  

First I want to share an email that I received this morning from GingerMate.  We really have a great team and we like to prank eachother.  For example, Gingermate left his computer unlocked when he went to Ft. McMurray.  He comes back to his desktop wall paper being this:

He also left his facebook open.  Silly Monkey..you never leave your facebook open.  Otherwise people think you 'Like' some really creepy shit.


While we were screwing around on his PC apparently he had a little plan of his own. 


This was in my inbox this morning:

FW: Cat out of the bag!!!

Ginger Mate

To: AnotherDeptManger; Fanager

CC: Me; 6Flags (Have you seen the commericals he looks like that old guy); And other random co-workers 

AnotherDeptMngr,

Arriving at work this morning 6-Flags and I found a disturbing photo on the wall in his office that he shares. (*note:  6-Flags and Fanager share an office)

6-Flags does not feel comfortable working with his “back” to the person that has this type of material on the wall

If this person with the obvious gender problem can be dealt with in a timely matter, 6-Flags won’t request a location of office change.

Yours truly, speaking on behalf of the obviously shaken up 6-Flags

Gingermate

See Attachment:

The picture actually was of Fanager's desk and this Calendar pinned up next to it.  Had to crop it as there's plenty of signage of the company around.  No one reeeeally needs to know that.

Keep in mind people we work in Construction/Oilsands.  There is a delectable array of Rednecks from all over the country and the world.  Granted we are staff but most of us would not mesh well in a Corporate Cage Environment. 

Gingermate is really a shitdisturber (with a great heart) and I love it.  When 'Heffer' (She is totally opposite of a heffer & is a fox..but it's a running joke) took off on a Cruise for a week she had Gingermate go in her room and mess up her bed.  Camps can boot you out of your room if you're gone too long so he was making it look like she was there.  Before she left she said to him, "Now don't be going in my pantie drawer!" Of course that was the wrong thing to do because it only gave him a lil' fuel for the fire.  

He went and bought huge ass granny panties, big enough to be a Muumuu.  He hid all her other panties and replaced them with the monstrosities.  We knew that when she returned, if she didn't bring any others, she would be going commando (assuming she doesn't like to wear dirty panties. )  since there's not a chance in hell she could fit into them.  I told her she should've worn them, tied all the extra material with an elastic and let that shit hang out.   

This has only started a granny pantie war.  They keep showing up on each others doors with notes like "Excuse me miss but I believe you left these in the dryer."  Camp isn't a far cry from a Dorm Residence.

Now time for some links for random amusement. 

Apparently God is the New WeightWatchters. 

To go along with the Disgusting cookbook, "Natural Harvest," there is Cooking with Feces. It even has a Dog Poo Photo Album.  I can thank Geo (one of my faithful commenters) for introducing me to this vomit inducing website.  Why would someone create such a site?  WHY? *Goesintorockingfetalmotion*

I'm sorry for that link people but not really. 

For those days when you are going for a new cleavage style here is the Chinese Cleavage Clamp.  A++ for that commercial.  Top Notch. 

China is still trying to poison our kids.  They don't give up too easily do they?

Now this is a cool link for you nerd burgers out there.  Top Documentary Films - Watch Free Online.  There's a ton of flicks to watch on there.  Very groovey indeed.

Well folks, enjoy your Sunday and love your life because hey, you're still here. 

Things to Amuse Me and Sunday Ramblings

Here we are on  Sunday...it's quiet, cold (-19 feels like - 28 but I guess it's better than -41 like the other day) and Manfriend had a little too much pop, of the wobby variety, and was not fit for duty.
This means I'm bored, cold, and lonely. 
Yes I'm getting my work done too but I can stop to take a break.  I don't smoke anymore so I'm not getting all the breaks like they do but I certainly don't miss freezing my fingers off to go puff on a butt.  Nor do I miss the stench but since half the site smokes so I constantly get a reminder whiff. 
Today I'm just going to share some pictures of things that amuse me.


Did I tell you that I moved offices before the 6 weeks off?  I HAVE A FUCKING WINDOW!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.  You really don't understand what that means to me. 
One thing is that I could start growing our Mini-Me's.

I'm the one holding the massive diamond on the right of course.

Oh and that's my new office mate who I shall call GingerMate.  We mash well and he does stuff like turns on my PC before I arrive and waters my Mini-Me's if I'm not around.  So I try not to blast him out with any Slipknot/ICP/Five Finger Death Punch/Tom Jones when we're working.  I'm respectful like that.

That's right...that's my window.

So you remember at my previous job what my shitty ass cubicle desk looked like?

It didn't look like that all the time. I was in the process of cleaning every thing out and packing as it was my last couple days.  Still it was cramped, cluttered yet always cleaned and dusted. 
Now I have more space!

Ok...so it really didn't make a difference.  I have more room so now I have more stuff. Hey, I'm comfy and I have moose that are constantly performing dirty sex acts all around the office.  Dirtay meeses.


One other addition to my desk is something that I did a post about.  When I returned from our 6 glorious weeks off this was on my desk.

How awesome is that?!?!?!?
I mean look...he's pooping paperclips.

SQUEEEEEE

Excuse the pun but the Shitty thing about it is who it came from.  I was very fucking irate upset with the person.  It seemed to me, and others, that this person tried to set me up for failure when I took over their job, while doing mine, when they were on vacation. So it was rather mixed emotions when I recieved it.  I'm over it and I think it's the best stationary holder EVER.  


One thing I'm mad about is that my mini-me has a bald spot.  Totally unrealistic guys..c'mon.  It should be Manfriends mini-me.

Asshole Bald Spot.

At least Mini-Manfriend's eyeballs kept falling off so I got to do this to it:

I love how his eyes are all squinty around the office tack I jammed into his forehead. Speaking of which, I sent him an email demanding he buy me Magicka and download it during the day while the intertube traffic is slow at camp.   The blame for this falls on Drake and his damn reviews. Thanks a lot buddy.  You enabler you.  
Also the fact that The Witcher game I devoted so much time to and neglected the blogsphere for....is FUCKING GLITCHED. I absolutely can not get to the final chapter without going wayyyyyyyyyyy back and trying another method. It's too soon and I too raw to go that far back.  Fuckity!


*Whew* Had to take a step back there. I was getting all worked up. Sorry aboot that.  Just kidding.  I say about and don't know anyone except East Coast Canadians that pronounce it 'Aboot'.  Mind you, they have a whole new type of special English that I don't care to adopt. No hard feelings ok?


Getting back on track here, on our last long drive from Ft. McKay to Calgary we finally got to stop at this fine establishment in Wandering River.

 

If you look to the far right on the roof you'll see the red lettering, "BAR."  The first time I saw that I practically begged him to stop.  It was a no go...every time we passed by.  For some reason I love going to the dingiest, possibly dangerous, dives.  I eat that shit up.  He just doesn't have the flare adventure that I do.  I know right?  Fortunately someone we work with stopped there and said it really wasn't that bad.  Keep in mine, this coworker/friend is a clean cut redneck who's BlackBerry Messenger is a dead, bloody, dear in the back of his truck. Right.


This place is a gem.  Comes complete with it's 60 year old, questionable hygienic owners. Granted it's 11am but come on lady, what's with the dirty jogging suit?  At least wash and bedazzle that shit. 

One thing that was odd was there were signs all about stating, "No CAMERAS."  They didn't say anything about phones with cameras....or no pictures. 

We were ninja.  Ok, not really.  They served us our beer & Smirnoff Ice (wasn't taking a chance on drinking out of a glass there) and disappeared.

He has pictures of the other end of the bar where there's a shit ton of dead animals.  There were marble accusatory eyes staring at you from every direction. Since he's being a hungover pussy (I say that with love honey), I'll have to get them later.


We were hungry but not THAT hungry so we passed on the small deep friend menu.  I'm sure it was safe as their bathrooms were very clean.  Hey, good test of measure when you are going to eat in an establishment is check how clean the bathrooms are.  It's generally a good indication on how clean the kitchen is.  I learned that from a Health Inspector.  
Besides the bathroom being clean they were well supplied.

I didn't have a looney aka $1 (for you yankees) so no wild things for me.

I almost forgot! The bar came with a pussy cat too.

Check out that old school table hockey to the left.

Yup, he was just wandering around.  Nice lil' chap.  Weird to see in a BAR though. 


One finally thing before I get back to it.  People are doing the "Biggest Loser Challenge," at work.  I'm not because I didn't feel like throwing away $100 but I do enjoy the warfare that is currently going on and tend to partake here and there. (I am the one who has candy/chocolates on her desk all the time.) Yesterday GingerMate got one of our guys to pick up a bread maker and supplies in town.  We set it to have fresh baked bread at 6am this morning so the office trailer was wafting with the sweet odor of fresh baked bread.  To top it off, we placed that yummy goodness right at the front along with whipped butter and jam packets. 
They stood their ground for about an hour and a half then *POOF* it was like a cackle of hyenas going after a lame water buffalo. 
Then there was none. 

I'm going score some cinnamon and we're going to bake up a sugar cinnamon loaf tomorrow morning. We're assholes like that.