Thursday, March 3, 2011

"Natural Harvest " Cooking with Semen?

Once again McBoobs sends me an email:


I need that sperm cook book!!! Can you find it for me again?? I looked up one but I am NOT looking it up again LOL 

My Response:

OMFG …what is wrong with you?  Wait…you’re friends with me.

Here ya go:



The description is as follows:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

I don't know about you but I wouldn't call a slimey yet sinewy texture...wonderful. 

" Semen is inexpensive to produce."  No shit sherlock.  Just make sure you invest in Gatorade and keep him hydrated. 
 
"commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants."  WAIT WHAT THE FUCK.  Granted if there's a male living in your household there's enough semen to see from space with a black light but in a Restaurant?! That gives me an awful image of chefs whacking off in every creme brulee, roux, cheese sauce, and every ramekin at hand!
 
"Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist."  That exciting twist is fucking SEMEN IN YOUR FOOD.  Not like the natural way of ingesting semen with a water chaser.  No...It's taking over your damn kitchen and acting as a binding ingredient in your baking!!! 
 
This is one of the many things that is wrong with the world.  However, if you do want to buy it for me just drop me an email. K? Thx Bai! 


 
 

16 comments:

  1. Lip gloss is made from whale sperm, so why not cook food with sperm? lol

    I have heard of that cook book though and I laughed when I heard about it.

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  2. Ugh, I forgot about the cookbook until McBoobs sent me that email.
    I preferred not remembering about it.

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  3. Let's not give the men ANY more ammunition in the argument as to why semen is nutritionally sound, please.

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  4. Thanks for this...you found me the perfect birthday present for a friend of mine!

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  5. fuck. me. freddy.

    funny FUNNY funny!

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  6. Never seen it on a restaurant menu .. would be walking out if I did .. there are limits to what I want the chef to put into the meal I eat.

    Thanks CkretsGalore for the nightmares the next time I think of ordering creme brulee lol Even eating the slimy film on the top of my sunny-side-up eggs will take on a new imagery .. THANKS ;)

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  7. Being an older man, semen is in short supply and to be used sparingly as a garnish. It would probably go well on some bearded clam :)-

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  8. I love your blog. By the looks of your picture, you appear to be a charming young lady. But your delightfully wicked mind is what really appeals to me. How's that for a twist?

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  9. I’m such a bad customer at the restaurants that I’ve probably been eating Semen products for years.

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  10. think i might have to skip the semen pie, but apparently it is meant to make you look younger though

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  11. Hansi..you're sweet. Calling me a lady n' stuff. tee hee.

    Blitering Idiot. LMAO @ Garnish. That provides a bad visual as well.

    Geo - you're welcome. I do what I can. When you coming over for dinner again?

    Sam - Well damn, I should look like I'm 15 still! hahah

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  12. en españa se cocina con semen de toro algun plato antiguo,y las ostras las comen con gotitas de semen.vivan los españoles.

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Don't be shy and comment away. All of my family knows of this blog so feel free to be as dirty as you like.