Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Manfriend Pissing Me Off...in My Dreams Again

My dreams often take place in the Port Alberni house where I spent the most amount of my childhood.  I have no feelings of nostalgia in regards to that dive.  Mom did the best to dress it up and we did have fruit trees in the back but it also had things like ant infestations.  This is something the cheap ass Kraut Landlord  wouldn't take care of properly.  I loathe and despise ants.  Yeah, yeah they're fascinating blah blah blah.  They're not too fanfuckingtastic  when they invade every item of food ...chewing through cardboard..in your house hold.  One morning my mother went to pour me a bowl of cereal.  Instead of nutritious-no added sugar-no artificial flavour-no fun-grain product I was served up a bowl full of ants. HOLYFUCKINGBATSHITCRAZYHIGHPITCHEDSCREAMING!  

Did I mention I would find them in my bed? 

Where was I going with this?  Oh right,  I don't miss that house but it always seems to be a starting point in my stress dreams. 

So I was in my old bedroom which used to be an attic so if you were over 5'6 you would have to bend over to walk around the middle of my room.  The walls on either side were slanted so the peach walls seem to close you in.   I was sitting on the brown shag carpeting my mother put down to cover up the linoleum and was tidying up.  When I'm in these dreams it's like I'm really there.  I mean I swear I can smell the house and feel the temperature (Totally different climate there than here).  

Enter Manfriend.

He's younger, thinner but still wearing a hat so I don't know if he had thicker hair too.

He was being totally cocky and full of 'tude.

Manfriend asks me how I felt about smoking now.  I wasn't looking at him and trying to ignore him since I he was irritating me.  He repeats the question a couple times until I turn around and then ..He blows Smoke in ..my..face. 

And...I freak the fuck out.
 I was so damn upset that he was smoking again but the bigger point was that he was smoking in my room.  How DARE he!  Plus my mom is totally going to freak out..she will know there's smoking in the house.


And I wake up. 

Told Manfriend he was an asshole in my dreams again.  Well as long as those dreams don't leak into reality, I'll have to deal with it.  Guess if those dreams leaked into reality I would more likely be institutionalized. 

Monday, August 30, 2010

Quick Ass Fud Post

Since we just got back to site last night and I've been actually productive...I haven't had time to blog or upload the pictures from the party.  (Pictures we took with my new PINK camera..since I dropped the other one and now it takes  blurry pix. like it's 3 sheets to the wind.)

Now these were all taken with my blackberry so the quality isn't that good....but you get the idea.  We had even more kabobs than that!  Also a bitchbucket load more of snacks too.  Everyone gorged right out.  It was awesome. 

PS: I love doing snack plates up and I have beautiful Pottery from a lovely lady that's close to me.  When we get married she's making us even more! FUCK YAH FOR POTTERY!!! 

Saturday, August 28, 2010

This is for Real - Baconnaise

This is for real Ya'll ( I know so many people who say that and I need feel like i fit in...Ya'll)

It actually says "Everything should taste like Bacon."

I bought one.  

To my defense, it's a present for a friend who will be at the engagement party tonight.   I also bought him a hot sauce called, "Colon Cleanse."  You see why everyone wants to be my friend??

It's Like Christmas Morning and I'm like 5 Years Old!!! SQUEEEEE

Woke up early all giddy and brain racing.  Then woke up man friend for some...casual conversation... Then I started giggling and said, "YAY We're having a party and it's mostly about me!! Tee Heeee!"  

 Lets face it, engagement parties/weddings are for us ladies.  Granted Men put up with it enjoy it but it's all about the owner of the va-jay jay.  Those of us gals who generally are not very girly turn into Princesss-Powder-Puff.

So Yessssss.....I'm all excited this morning!  Luckily I am not that high maintenance and do not require the whole expensive, frou-frou, reservations, formal invitation, formal dress, engagement party.  Instead we are going to tidy up the house, mow the lawn, stock the booze fridge, prep food, play tunes, and hopefully fill the house full of great friends.

Being a hostess is the most entertaining thing for me.  I love feeding, entertaining, and amusing my peeps.   We picked out 4 different recipes for kabobs today: 

Soy Glazed Salmon (this is one of my faves)
Beef and Green Onion ( Contains rice vinegar, sesame oil & ginger)
Chicken Bacon Brochettes (bacon wrapped chicken, mushrooms & onions)
Pattypan Skewers (summer squash, sundried tomatoes, balsamic vinegar & parsley)
Grilled Sausage Spiedini ( Hot Italian Sausage, baguette, red onion & garlic)

Also going to do Balsamic Grilled Peppers and Zucchini. The only recipe that isn't new is the salmon, which totally rocks and takes about 2 mins to make the glaze. there shall be a ton of uber good OMNOMNOM's tonight! 

The Kidlet made a red velvet cake with Manfriend last night and going to decorate it today. She was so excited after Manfriend told her we were engaged.  Oh I got huge squishysqueejumpingupanddown hugs when she got here yesterday.  Plus she loves a party as well so her contribution is the cake and she's designing/painting a poster for people to sign tonight.  She also enjoys prepping the snack trays along side me.  Yeah she's pretty boss.  I've told her I only stick around with Manfriend because of her.

Well I've done my yoga, my blogging, dusting, movie watching, so now it's time to actually be productive.


Oh some man meat to graze on..



Friday, August 27, 2010

Manfriend's Proposal...Didn't Go Exactly as Planned

I got home from my usual pedicure and nails pampering, last night at around 7pm.  Manfriend was sending me msgs asking when I was going to be back & I thought he was just lonely...he said he was hungry...then I thought it was kinda weird.  

Soon as I got home I started prepping buffalo burgers, mashed potatoes, and asparagus.  Well I noticed this soggy square of paper on the counter.  I thought to myself  Well this doesn't look like it belongs here...more weirdness..maybe the cleaners left it there and I promptly threw it in the garbage.  I noticed another piece as well but ignored it.  I was bloody well hungry.  It's quite exhausting getting your nails done for 2 and a half hours ya know.  

The oven was done preheating and I was about to throw the burgers in (Too freaking windy to bother BBQing last night) and I see Manfriend drop to his knees on the kitchen floor.   

Ok, I know this is bad but you know what I thought he was doing?  It was just the two of us in the kitchen, CaveDweller in the basement basking in the warm glow of his monitor, a Kidlet is at a camp.  I thought he was getting ready to do something dirty and adult like.  You know....the thing that only Two-People-In-Love do..

He grabs my hand and I try to push him away.  I wanted to put the damn burgers in first.  He blocks me and grabbed my hand again and slips a ring on my finger.  Oh did I mention it was my RIGHT hand.  I was thinking, What the hell is he doing...is he fucking with me?? Where did he get that fake ring from...wait...WAIT..That's REAL.  Oh I get what's going on here...I placed the ring on my left hand for him, he proposed, I said, "Well I guess so.."  Then he started explaining what the paper was.

He had taken a picture of the ring and cut it into 4 sections and placed them where he thought I would find them while cooking.  He chose dishes I generally used.  I didn't use those dishes last night.  When he showed me the picture put together I said, "Awwwwwwwwwwwwww, you were trying to be all sweet and romantic and I was just trashing it..literally." 

Then I promptly started to Laugh My Ass Off.

Manfriend:  So will you?  You didn't really Answer

Me: *giggle* Yes of course! *giggle*

Manfriend: You know I expected more tears than this or at least some tears.

Me: *Laughing Harder* Hugs Manfriend

Soon as I had a moment to think about it, while cooking, and he wasn't paying attention...I blubbered.


I broke the seal then....I was weepy intermittently. 

So it didn't go as he had planned but he got the answer he wanted and the tears.  It certainly will always be memorable.  

A proposal without laughter would just be unnatural when concerning me.  Anyone who knows me knows this fact to be true.


Thursday, August 26, 2010

Well Folks, This Has Been A Fan-Freaking-Tastic Day. OoOo Sparkly!!

Yup...it's a sparkly
Ok..much hilarity ensued with the whole proposal but that's another post.  I just can't believe someone really wants to marry my crazy ass.  Screw the baggage...I come with my own luggage line. 

Oh Manfriend will always be referred to as Manfriend on this blog.  Yes we be all engaged but still...  It's nostalgic. 

Also, I'm so freaking happy that I'm welling up with tears and all that girly kind of emotional stuff.  

'nuff said??

This Be My Prizes...Bitchez! *Updated*

That's not my prize..that's hwy 63 silly.
We arrive home some time after 10pm.  It's a long drive but at least the weather was good.  There are so many crazy ass trucks hauling large ass items like houses, heavy haulers, and tanks.

Still not my prize ...wouldn't have room for one that big.

That tank was smaller than the other 2 we saw before hand. Really it's astonishing what they transport. 

So I lose my blackberry every 30 seconds so one of those 30 seconds, Manfriend pulled over so I could look for it.  Apparently I was sitting on it and didn't notice it wedged in my ass crack.  However I did notice this random item as I jumped outta the truck:
I am TIRE MAN!  Yes this whole thing is made of tires...still not my prize though.
This morning started off with 30mins of yoga and exercise ball torture.  Then I went for a hour long massage and a back crackin' with the chiro.  My Massage therapist rocks.  She used to be a Iron Worker...meaning she has BALLs large ones at that.  I can curse and talk about all sorts of fucked up things and she's right in on it. But I digress...

After all that was done, guess what time it was?! COLLECTION TIME BITCHEZ! 
First we bought some bread from Cobbs and then I said, "Oh and I came for ma' Prize!" She brought a few of the items out but was so busy, being the only employee there, so we decided to go pick up my new glasses first.  That made it a bit anti-climatic for me but I sucked it up.
That's a grin of a WINNER.

Aria investigating MY PRIZE. Cats are so damn nosy.

Kris and I were going to buy one of the cook books (Every Day Gourmet Burgers) last time we were home but it was like $25 or something close to that.  

So there we go.  I should get my ass in gear and start doing more staining on the fence or something like that.  Plus it's after 12pm so it's ok to crack a bevy. (Pffft like the time matters).
Ta-Ta for now!

Oh and for some of my lady and lady-like friends I will leave you this material to think about in the shower...not saying that I do....or don't..

Reallllly wish THIS was my prize..all night long.

And this my prize the next night..

Midnight Snack...

Mmmm breakfast Prize!

Hot Wolfey Man!


***Couple more pix...bit fuzzy I now realized but you get the picture....Napoleon Portable Grill is righteous!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Don't Tickle Elmo!

This picture appeared when I was googling "Drunk Texting."  



Seriously that's the funniest shit I've seen all day..granted it's only 10:38am but still.

My Turn for Drunk Texting

I was in bed waiting for Manfriend to get back to our camp room from the lounge.  I sent this text with one bloodshot eye open:

"Bar is clowwwed."

(Translation:   I'm drunk and it's lonely here.  I'm too drunk to contemplate sex but I would very much appreciate some lulling cuddles.  So if you could kindly expedite your ass here I would be a happy woman.)

Then I passed out, drooling fell asleep

Monday, August 23, 2010

Banning Back Yard Fire Pits In Calgary?!

With attention focused on air quality due to the forest fires in BC, has also brought attention in the media to the banning of backyard fire pits.  Apparently there are "VICTIMS of Woodsmoke,"   out there.  Comments must be approved on that blogspot and so far I haven't noticed one negative comment.  However, the Hal Gardiner Blog   from the Radio Station xl103 (Yes it's oldies but the guy I share an office with is an oldie and hey, I like and know the tuneage.) showed a different response but again, those comments were submitted then posted by the Admin.  (I commented on the fly as well..used my first name..can ya guess which one?).  

There is only about 4 months out of the year that people actually utilize their firepits in Calgary.  Most often it's too bloody cold or windy.  There are bylaws in place which people generally follow within a city.  I feel these people are being dramatic and for fuck sakes....can we do anything anymore?!!?  There are far larger concerns in the world.  Focus on air quality management in regards to Industry/Corporation, not the people.  People survived for centuries with WOOD FIRES. 

Common motherfucking sense. 

                                                                                      I wonder how many of them operate motor vehicles?   

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Smoke Signals

This is Calgary's weather today:

 Yes, Smoke is in the forecast. Smmmmoooooooke. Mmmm Sometimes I really, really miss smoking.  (Shake it off...SHAKE IT OFF)

For those who don't watch Canadian News.... British Columbia is having ass load   of wild fires going on right now which is causing smoky conditions as far as Manitoba .  It has been quite bad around the area where I'm working.   

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My Boring Ass Yard Update

Yes, it's lame and boring but it's MINE.  

You don't understand how kinda ghetto renter looking it was getting.  Also keep in mind that in the last couple of years I am actually home, in Calgary, twice a month.  The total time off I had off would be about 8 days a month.  Now it's even less with the new company.  After all appointments, grocery shopping, midget tossing, True Blood watching, chores and the like are all done, well it can be hard to find the time to attack the yard.  We work 10 hour days with up to 2 hrs of travel time so when we are home we also like to relax.

That also excuses me in my lack of blogging.  I come up with these grandiose ideas when somewhere it's not possible to blog.  These ideas quickly fade as my gray matter doesn't always fire a lot of neutrons or something like that..wait..dudette...what? 

Right.  I forget things and there's not a terrible amount of things going on in my life but there is a CRAPLOSION of things going on.  Thankful I am for my crackberry calendar but not so thankful that I seem to cock up my calendar entries.  (Manfriend is smart and helpful at times..ok VERY often with these things...and told me to put the actual date and time of the appointment in the subject line.  Bloody well brilliant, I say. ) 

Where was I going with this again?  Oh right, the yard.  We will leave the staining of the fence out of this because for some reason the weather in Calgary is behaving like a big ol' assclown of misfortune and tends to rain when we are home.  You're not supposed to apply stain if it's going to rain within 24 hrs, the directions tell me so and they dictate correctly.  The runs in the stain on one section tells me so.   Balls. 

The pictures I am about to present are actually from the end of July so things have progressed.  I am blogging now and am about a 9 hr Drive between me and our yard so older pictures will have to do.
Shay after doing her business. The wee shrubbery is actually growing.  Lets hope they survive the winter and no one drives over them.  Yes this happens.

So the purple Kale was HUGE after this pic and had to be cut back.  Also There is a cool mushroom thing I added and must get a picture of  when I get home.  Even Manfriend thinks it looks good.  I'm not allowed pink flamingos so he compromised.

This I sent to Manfriend when he was working.  This was in my few extra days off before starting the new job.  Weird, doesn't look like me but hey, check out that heartfelt flower bed. NEATO.
Yeah I'm proud and I enjoy making things grow.  If I had more time I would hopefully do more and make my CrazyGreenThumb Momma proud but for now I will do what I can with the yard, cook new and ample meals, give squishy hugs, and provide tons of giggling laughter.  

MWHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA  These eyes, they be plotting.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Winter Will Come Soon and Ye Shall Blog

The combination of starting a new job and trying to enjoy the short Alberta summer has kept me away from blogging.  Oh and by enjoy I mean, doing yard work, trying to stain the fence, and do all those responsible adult like stuff that people do when they have a house, yard, and like ..stuff.  

Along with the new job there is plenty of fun filled driving time to site and back to Calgary.  Generally it takes about 9 hrs one way.  

Derpity Do.   

We have fun.  We also have Sirius radio AND I dropped a butt load of cash at Chapters for books. (Hey people who buy me prezzies....gift cards are COOL in my books and I also like buying books.  Chapters GIFT CARDS are always appreciated.) 

It isn't very lush or green in this Province but it really is beautiful.  I often think that I should get a decent camera (I busted my digital one) instead of using my blackberry and take some courses on photography.  As many can tell I have morphed my blog into something that contains more photos than writing but really for those who really know me, I'm sure you're not surprised.  My attention span is stupidly limited. "I CAN COUNT TO POTATO!" So Ms. SnaggleTooth, you are right.  Your Province is pretty even though it is full of Meat, Potatoes, and Cowboys/Rednecks.  

There's been some nice sights ( Manfriend is soooo gonna kill me for that pic since some of family members read this blog but hey, I'm not going to dress up reality here folks, it's me after all) and the new digs/job is a learning curve.  The Materials Dept. is quite the group of fellas but I'm feeling far more at ease.  Once I can nest...set all my comfort shit up...I start to get all learn'ded better like.  Translation:  Once my mind~spirit is comfortable, it is far more susceptible to the work environment.  In Layman's terms, it's all cool yo. 

I have to say life is pretty good and I feel very fortunate for my life and loved ones.  The news always reminds me of this:

Also I won a muthafukin prize/draw today!!!!!!!!!!!! We go to a local bakery when we are home called Cobbs and I've entered the draw a few times.  There was a portable grill, sleeping bag, tent, cooking books and I dunno....I WAS SO EFFIN STOKED and no one would share in my excitement when I told them I..was.a....WINNER. 

Whatever...Manfriend  gave me the HIGHFIVE (in total coolness and badness) with true enthusiasm.  I am SO spending the rest of my life with his respective ass and my future apologies to his family for having to deal with me.  RESPKECKKT


PSS:  I will post a pic of my prize as soon as we get back to Calgary, which is next Thursday.

OOOhhh GUesS What tHis Is!

Granted they should have put me on Ritalin or Dexedrine many moons ago.....BUT GUESS WHAT THIS IS ZOMGSOMUCHFUN and it looks purdy.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Some Where Over the Rainbow.........

Somewhere..heading up North Alberta.
It's been a busy stretch and this will be fairly short post I think.  There are so many pictures and so many post themes I want to do as well but alas....I started a new jay oh bee and there's been a huge learning curve.

Manfriend laughed at me this evening when I said I was tired from actually using my brain.  It does zap batshitloads of energy out of me when I enter in a new situation.  New job AKA shoving new junk into my limited cranial capacity, feeling so absolutely awkward around new coworkers.  That whole feeling awkward thing, well that's me stifling my personality which truly is me trying not to curse, not be perverted in my thinking/verbal expression, being a sunspun cow (MUTHER FUCKING MOO YO) and just being my usual all around weirdo.
  This is very difficult for me.  Very. 

Somehow I become someone I don't recognize nor would most of my friends because I'm generally an outgoing and caring person with the typical bitchy, protective tendencies of a female.  I loathe that personna caged feeling just as my bestest friend in Cowtown.  

Enter SnaggleTooth:
Told ya I make asstastic ribs.
She totally kicks all kinds of ass and has been one of the best attributes to my life, as well as her family, since I moved to Calgary.  And yeah, that chick-a-dee certainly can't be caged.   

Anywho, that would be the end of my quick and un-edited entry.  Hope all you kids out there are playing safe and make sure you hug a tree in the name of mee.  Damn hippies.

Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros - Home - Official Video

The Heavy - How You Like Me Now?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Think Safety!

No I'm not talking about condoms/rubbers/cock socks/jimmies/love gloves/safes/rain coats/hazmat suits...etc..

So this new gig, the HSE (Health Safety Environment)is a lil nerdish and even if you are outside you must be wearing CSA approved composite toed shoes and safety glasses. Someone may step on a nail, which should be a freak accident, and someone may get dust in their eyes.  Dust?!?!  Well for fuck, there is nothing but dust around here.  I feel that we should wear safety glasses when we are sleeping just in case.  Definitely if you are performing cunnilingus because that can be even more damaging than dust.  Not that I would know or anything like that. ANYHOW, I had to buy some boots but those boots turned out to be shoes and those shoes turned out to be a skate style.

See that wee lil orange tag on the right shoe?  That's CSA Approved..and electrically resistant. Not to my electric personality of course. BaazzzaOWW Imma cornball.  But yeah, that shit is way cooler than the other clod hoppers out there.   A thank you to Manfriend for taking this picture.  The lighting makes it look like a shoe ad for hardworking EMO's.  Which totally wouldn't exist because it would never happen..because..like..what is the point..life hates me and it isn't fair, you know and umm stuff.  
Duckface Safety Mindset