Saturday, April 30, 2011

Apparently People Want to See Katy Perry Naked..

Just look at these search words:

 I don't know what "nackt," is but I most likely don't want to know.  I was wondering why I was getting so many hits!  Well I'm just average and I'm fine with that but I have to thank Mrs. Katy Brand from and my Engagement Party Post for the 6222 page views. 

So to go along with the theme (read: be a blog whore for more hits) and for my Fiancee (aka Manfriend) who dreams violates in his mind about Katy:

She still doesn't hold a candle to the awesomeness that is My Joe.Manganiello.
(For those who have never watched True Blood, he's the tasty Werewolf Alcide who is a naughty wolf in my dreams.)

*Sigh*  I'm off to dream.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

I Love Spring.....

.....I just wish there was more than a month of it in Alberta.  I heard it was snowing in Calgary today but luckily I'm up around Fort McKay where it's sunny and dusty.  Really though, the snow needs to go. 

It's a little late but I hope you all had a good Easter/Whatever-You-Celebrate/Long Weekend.  We had a house full of soon to be in-laws so things were busy and I just didn't feel the need to blog.  I did take some pictures for a recap.

First some Alberta sky from our long 8 hour drive home.

Next is just an example of some of the crazy shit hauled on Hwy 63.
This is not the largest we've seen.  We'll take the ditch no problem.
Oh and this is my happy face for all those wonderful drivers on the road.

When we arrived home I had a prezzie waiting for me!!!!

A big jiggity big Thank you to Sandra from Absolutely Narcissism. This totally made me smile and Kidlet was all over it like a dirty shirt. We particularly enjoyed the smelly pencils (Cotton Candy?! Fuck YEAH!). She's a hilarious blogger and she's kind too.  Plus she has rock hard abs apparently. 

One other that was waiting for me was a hairy beast ready for some snuggles.
ffft of course I was talking about the dog.
Thursday was a whirlwind of massage, chiro, ritualistic pub lunch, and grocery shopping.  Then I was left alone to prep dinner for Kagey.

Lemon Pepper Zucchini,  Rosemary Ranch Chicken, and Hawaiian Chicken.

Striploin with Soy based Marinade
It was wicked to treat her to one of our home made dinners.  Plus she brought beer & wine.  #WINNING (sorry for the Sheen quote but I had to..don't hate). 
Also we've texted since then so it's safe to assume she did not end up in the hospital with salmonella. *whew*

Friday the guests arrived but luckily unfortunately I had a hair appointment just after their arrival.  

Then I also had Snaggletooth pick me up right after I was done.  Don't get me wrong, Manfriend's family is great it's just I wanted a little 'Me' time and some unwinding with my bestie.  Also I didn't have to cook dinner or lift a finger.  Total Win-Win!  I have to give Manfriend props as he took the dog for a walk and brought me a home made burger, BlueBerry Vodka Soda, and Green Apple Freezie.  Ok the last item was from Kidlet but how lucky am I?!  That's what a great Friday is made out of.

Since everyone was leaving on Friday we did Easter dinner on Saturday. 

First I have to look the part.

This wicked apron is from Sassy Apron .  BEST APRONS EVER!  I know to some that's an odd thing to say but you know what?  I love cooking and I like to look damn cute while I'm dong it.  Oh yeah, we're bringing the Apron back!

In case you cared, dinner turned out awesome and it was the first Easter dinner I've cooked.  Also it was the first time I cooked for his family.  No one died. SUCCESS. 

So back to being vain and selfish...I got my nails done and she did a wicked job. 

I'm sure you guys out there prolly couldn't give a rats arse but hey, I get to strut my stuff once in awhile especially after I dropped about $200 in hair in nails which actually is very cheap I'll have you know.

Sunday was filled with tunes blaring from the truck, beers in our hands, and cleaning up the yard.  I. Love. Spring. 

I also love having minions.
Annnnd I kinda love this guy. Sorta.

Next weekend is going to be AWE-some because I get to play in the dirt and put pretty things in the ground.  Yes I know it's simple but I live for these things.  Especially when I spend 10 days straight living here:

 I want some pretty flowers when I'm home. I just want to look at any colour other than brown before I burn my corneas with my straightener.

One last thing I wanted to share for you hockey fans out there.  
"Official Hab-Nots Multi-Purpose Tissue & Gold Club Wipes"

 Did I mention my Manager is French?



Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Happy 420 2011 Ya Bunch of Burners!

For those of you who are not familiar with 420:

420, 4:20 or 4/20 (pronounced four-twenty) refers to consumption of cannabis and, by extension, a way to identify oneself with cannabis subculture. The notable day for these is April 20.[1] (Not to be confused with J-Day, an international protest held on the first Saturday of May.)

(I love this entry to the Urban Dictionary for 420)
So far the majority of you are incorrect.
420's origin IS known.
the term 420 originated at San Rafael High School, in 1971, among a group of about a dozen pot-smoking wiseacres who called themselves the Waldos, who are now pushing 50. The term was shorthand for the time of day the group would meet, at the campus statue of Louis Pasteur, to smoke pot. Intent on developing their own discreet language, they made 420 code for a time to get high, and its use spread among members of an entire generation.
So there ya go, someone's parents out there invented the term 4/20.
And remember this:
There are NOT 420 chemicals in Weed. It's about 315, the num. goes up or down depending on what you're smoking.
4/20 is NOT police code or Maryjane.
And that whole shit about Holland and 4/20 over there being "tea time" for smokers isn't true either.

I know my shit.

 Now I know this may be a touchy subject for some generally NOT Canadians but I grew up on Vancouver Island where it's acceptable to smoke dope but you best not be smoking those filthy cigarettes.  Also there's a lot of Hippies...dirty, patchouli stinking, jobless hippies.  They bring out my inner redneck.   Learning to live off the land with a heart full of peace is great but do you have to be a filthy fucking bum?  Cut your dreadlocks, they stink and have bugs.

 In Vancouver, B.C. there is a celebration at the downtown Art Gallery.  In 2010 there were more than 3000 people smoking dope there.  They have to re-route busses due to the heavy pedestrian traffic. 

It's pretty effin' insane and a huge part of the West Coast Canadian Culture.  I don't partake anymore in these festivities for one I'm not a smoker (Errr hello, I have to do drug & alcohol tests for where I work ...just like everyone else up in the oil sands) and I easily get bored around a bunch of stoners.  It's not like the shit is motivational right?  However, I also feel that if booze is legal so should the wacky tabacky.  Booze destroys lives (mmm booze) far whereas pot heads are too lazy to destroy anything.  

I'm not trying to stir up shit with any of my followers just my opinion and I respect others.  I just wanted to share a bit of 420 from Canada that some may have not been exposed to. 

So if you dig it...blaze it.  If you don't, enjoy a nice glass of whatever beverage of your particular choice.

Whatever your choice, have yourself a wonderful April 20th.

And don't forget the munchies.  
For some wonderful ideas check out the lovely Mary at One Perfect Bite.  The Gnocchi Parisienne is definitely going to be a side dish this Easter.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I Won £750,000.00 ...Apparently

I'm sure it's legit.  I mean, how did Henry Gionvanni Pinilla Rodriguez just randomly find my email address?

from Henry Giovanni Pinilla Rodriguez
subject  re
date  Tue, Apr 19, 2011 at 8:45 AM 

£750,000.00 Pounds was given to you In The BPO Lottory



Ok maybe not.  I thought of responding to him with:
"First of all, what the hell is The BPO Lottory.  Second your email address is that of the Universidad Nacional de Columbia.  Shouldn't you be paying me in Columbian Pesos?  I'm really disappointed at the lack of effort to scam and/or detect valid email address in order distribute to other slimey, spamming, scuzzballs.  At least give me some story about being some prince who has a clubbed foot with reptilian eyes who has access to millions of Nigerian Narias but need $1500 Cdn in order to access the cash.  This is because your demon worshipping evil Uncle has all the money locked down but the magical Canadian Dollar is the key.  I deplore you for lacking the creativity of our Nigerian friends. Next time show some effort and don't forget to say God Bless. n00b."

However, I don't need to be spammed anymore than I already am. 

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Awards and Weddings

First things first....Congratulations to Tricia from Confessions of a Recovering Cynic because her man put a ring on it.  As I type this she's sitting in her jammies, sipping on champagne, and looking at Bridal Magazines.  Yup, I just outed her for being a girly girl.  It's ok, roll with it girl!  It's your day and I don't want to be the only one going all ga-ga girlie. 

So I seemed to wrangle me a couple of awards but it's just taken me forever to post them.  I'm such an ungrateful wench.  Paddle me if you will!

This award is from the dashing Kage from Sex, Sequins + Sociopaths who I am totally cooking dinner for on Thursday.  Here's hoping we avoid that whole salmonella thing!  Just kidding....I have my food safe and generally I'm a good cook. (Did I tell you Manfriend said I was a better cook than his MOM and his EX-Wife?  I think I did but I had to say it again.  Yeah, bitchin.)

So I'm supposed to tell you 7 things that you probably don't know about me.  

1. I love the smell of fresh new Mc Donald's toys.  
2. I have 1 tooth missing.
3. Love love lovvvvve glutes ass massages.
4. Can't stand the feeling of foam.  I'm referring to foamie mattress kind of   foam.  I possibly will vomit when touching foam. 
5. Mushrooms make me gag.
6. I miss, "You Can't Do That On Television."
7. Currently I'm spiraling into wedding planning mush brain.  Seriously, where the fuck do I begin??! 

I'm sending this on to this wackjob El Grande from My Lucha Libra Life 
and to William's Girl who gave me this next award.

She's a sweet gal who's also been enduring this lousy ass winter we've been having in Calgary.  Apparently she's a "Delicious, inappropriate, emotional, badass, superstar!"  Well that's certainly a recipe for a whole lotta fun and jail time.  I think we'll have to meet up in Calgary sometime. Yes indeed.
To claim this award, there are two rules: (1) I have to re-gift it to five other blogs that I love and (2) I have to write things things about myself that I love. (Can't I just focus on my flaws?  It's much easier.)

What do I love about myself?


I do make people laugh a lot and dish out some pretty good insults on a whim.   For example, some guys we work with decided to start texting me from numbers I didn't recognize but I knew who it was. (A fellow coworker who has my number was hanging out with these other two and I burned one of them and then they starting getting in on the text war)   We'll call him Sparky because he's an electrician pain in the ass as most electricians go. This is the convo:

Sparky:  I'm NOT GAY!!
Sparky:  I'm NOT GAY!!

(I'm totally confused with this Gay thing but decided to roll with it.

Me: When you enjoy buttsecks like you's a key indicator.
Sparky: I'M NOT GAY!!

Me: $10 in Lube says you are.

Sparky:  Only the cheap stuff I'll go $11 a tube lol

Me:  Wow youse are cheap like a bathroom loonie condom dispenser (loonie = 1 dollar for youse Americans. I used to be a server and I can't tell you how many Americans asked me how much a loonies was...even QUARTERS! They looking the fucking same as American quarter.  Don't get me wrong, I don't have a hate on for our southern brothers..just idiots.)

ME: I say that with total respect of course.

Sparky: Remember I said I had no kids... that means no cheap ass dink wrap. Lol

Me:  Well I also wasn't ruling out you spent too much time around radiation (please tell me you can't breed.)

At this point the other guy outta the three sent me a text.

Egghead: I am feeling left out.

Me:  You want a reach-around too? I'm sure the boys can help you out there.

So this went on and sure enough Sparky & Egghead thought Manfriend was feeding me these lines.  My buddy set them straight with a big ol' "Noooooooooooooooo you don't know her very well do you?"

That's all I'm going to say about myself.  Lets give this sucka out to:

Kagey - her blog certainly has that little bit extra

Confessions of a Recovering Cynic - I can rely on her for a laugh.

Glorious Sandwiches - It's a food blog but hey, sandwiches are beautiful and her sandwiches are extra beeauuutiful!

Since I can only count to three, I'm outta here!.

Peas Out

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Wanna See My Puss?! It's Finally Starting To Grow In!

Erm...Look at the pink name tag.   What did you think I was talking about you dirty birds. (Speaking of which, check out the dirty Meeses in the background at it again. tsk.)

I found this guy while Snaggletooth and I were in Banff.  There was also a pig & a dog 'Grow Me,' but naturally I had to buy this one. 

First day back at work I went to the kitchen to grab water to soak it and Gingermate is in there.  I say to him, "Gotta get some water to soak my Puss."  Game on.

You keep the Grow-Me's in the plastic container in order to germinate. It ends up looking like this:

Gingermate says, "DAMN, Your Pussy is ALL Sweaty!."  

Few Days later..

I exclaim, "YAY!  My Puss is finally starting to grow! Before you know it I'm going to be trimming that puss back."

Real mature right?  Mature and pure awesome office fuckery.  

Oh this is the entire grow-me family today:

The other two...well...they're past their prime but I have a hard time letting go.  However, I would file them under 'G' if I could find a gawddamn Chia Pet but apparently they only sell that shit at Christmas. 

A coworker of ours was heating home made, frozen, lunch in the toaster oven.  Now this was in a small appropriate tin and the oven was set at 300 F with a timer on for 20 mins.  He comes back to grab his lunch to find out it's still frozen as someone had turned it off and posted this sign:

 Really?  Do you fucking stand there crouched over your stove until your cookies are done??  This is just another example of the let-me-wipe-your-ass-for-you-because-you're-not-capable-of-operating-toiletpaper- Safety.  

So I ran into our coworkers office and posted the below sign.

There's so many other things I want to blog about like a couple of awards I've received, how stupidly expensive Vets are, the tween party at our house last weekend AND meeting the wicked awesome Kage!  I didn't even hump her leg. I know I'm pretty impressive sometimes.
However, I'm just slammed again.  Meaning busy with work and that life thang.   Sooooooo....BRB!

Oh and I would like to say to some of the Calgarians out there...HAH HAH Not a flake of snow up in the Great-Not-So-White-Northern Alberta.
Make sure all that white stuff is cleaned up for the 20th, will ya?