Thursday, September 30, 2010


After reading BloggerStock Posts  here  and here with the monthly theme of regrets and doing it all over again, got me thinking about my own life.

What would I do over again?  EVERYTHING.

Life for me has been a rather odd one far from normalcy.  However, how do you really define normal?  

Normal = Not Me

So I'm curious as to what a Normal Me would be like. 

There's always going to be someone weirder, worse horror stories etc....but I've developed some good tales of my own.  Those tales are spun from the many miles I hitch hiked, concerts, those rave parties all the kids are talking (Those tales are a lil fuzzy with all the swiss cheese holes in my noodle), weird ass roommates (including a ex-prostitute/junkie,artist, hermaphrodite with HIV...who was totally awesome BTW) and well..all sorts of things.  Some things do not need to be discussed on blogs in case my Mother reads this. 
*Side note: Mom said to me the other day it should be easy for me to lose weight since I lost a lot of weight when I was living in a certain city.  I said..."Um Mom...that wasn't exactly a healthy lifestyle method I was using."  Mom:  "Oh."  End of discussion.

So those were mostly just my teenage years.  Childhoods don't count because really, most choices are decided by your parents/guardians.  

Yup, I've done some weird shit, embarrassing shit and shit I don't remember.
I'm barely scratching the surface here but you get a glimpse.  Basically I've had some wild and fun times and I've done things I'm not proud of and wish I hadn't. 

So again...What would I do over again?   NOTHING.

Fuck, If I really was wrapped up in a question like that you might as well lock me up in a hug-me-jacket .

If I hadn't done all those things I wouldn't be where I am today.  Sure there's always room for crap taco loads some improvement but I'm doing all right.  

My All Right = Not living below the poverty line, a nice non-infested/non-moldy roof over my head, an aging doggy who still loves me, Family who knows I'm a weird ass and still love me (*cough* some of that weirdness was DEFINITELY passed down *cough*), a ton of really wicked awesome friends from all over the globe, lots of laughs every day and most importantly Manfriend and the Kidlet. 

If I hadn't bounced around and ended up in Calgary I would have never met Manfriend.  This is something I can not bear to imagine.  He is everything that is right in my life for once.  He's my best friend, lover, and my rock. (DO ya Smell What's he's got cooking?!?!  Ok not THE ROCK, just a stable support to hold onto in life.) 

So I guess regret nothing?  Well there's always those niggling regrets that I will have to just work through.  Other than that, fuck it.  Love your life and the people in it.  If you don't, you can't change the past but you can change your future.  

As for me, the future is looking pretty bright baby. 

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Viva La Canadian Hooka! *Update

I'm all for this not because I'm considering it as a future career option. It's going to happen and has been happening through the centuries so I support the safety of the ladies of the night.

What's your feelings?

*****Update:  I can't believe I spelled Canadian incorrectly in the title.  I should be flogged. I had hookers on the brain...

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Hanging Cooter for Truck Bumper

For those of you who have not checked out Regresty yet, clickity click the above link.  

If you're from Alberta and own a Vajay-jay, you'll appreciate this one

(I hate those damn wrinkly nut sacks hanging from truck hitches.)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Things My Grandma Says

Last night was a bit of a going away party for one of our team members so of course le' booze was involved.  I took it easy and as per usual Manfriend stayed later than I.

This morning I was eating a piece of cheese and gave a chunk to Manfriend (I'm good at sharing and Caring!).  As he's nom-ing down on it he says, "Good, I need cheese today."  Took me a moment to clue in and then I looked at him and said, "Ahhhhh Through the eye of a needle hey?"   He gave me a look of awkward puzzlement. So I clarified.

You could shit through an eye of a needle. 

Naturally, he thoroughly enjoyed this little quip.  I continued on to let him know where I had learned this. 

My Grandmother of course.  Who else?  

That is definitely shit my Gran says. 


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Stall Talking

Noooooo....I'm not talking about that type of stall.  

I'm talking about this type:

Yeah more like that kind but 3/4 of the size.  Remember they're in a construction office trailer so it's rather lacking in room.  The average Maury Povich "guest," would not even attempt to enter one without being sprayed head to toe with WD-40.

It's small and down right uncomfortable if someone is in the stall next to you.  The proximity is too damn close for my liking but the positive side is there isn't a lot of women (They say it's 11:1 - Men to Women in Ft. McMurray/Surrounding Camps) so generally I can do my business in peace. 

I've had a quite a few run-ins as of late with this gal who likes to talk while in the stall.  It happens that  I'm the one first in the stall every time and she flies in there and randomly starts chatting. 

Weird and annoying.

All I'm thinking is dammit woman, I'm trying to concentrate on not pooting now that you're here and I can't do that and talk without sounding strained.  


That is something you do when you're slobbering drunk in some bar, not at the work place. 

Please refrain.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I'm Having a @$#%^@ Day.......Tell Me a Funny Story... **Update

So I'm a bit snaggly this morning, accented with a slight bit of rage. 

First of all last night I had some serious weird ass dreams.

The first one I remember I was wearing a purple PVC dress, thigh highs and knee high boots. Can't remember what else because of how AWESOME I looked.  Not like a hooker at all.

Second dream was quite long, emotional and so disturbing that I will only share it with Manfriend (and Therapists).  The intertubes don't need to know how disturbed I really am.  (Manfriend does and still wants to Marry me. HAH..go figure. Weird.)

Second it's this job.  Well not the job/my function in particular.  It's this project, this site, this Client.  Have you ever read the book 1984?  Well this Client/Owner  is all Big Brother up in your face/luggage/life. WE WORK FOR YOU WE'RE NOT FUCKING TERRORISTS.   Treat us with a bit of respect and/or dignity.  Day by day it has become more and more oppressing all under the veil of SAFETY.  Hey I know Safety is important especially in the construction world but I can also tell the difference between Safety and Absolute Control. 

It's fucking creepy and I do not want any of it. 

So yes, I'm angry, bitter, and apparently disturbed.  I don't want this to dictate the rest of my day so I turn to my friend, The Internet, and you Bloggers out there.  

I know there's plenty of you deeply disturbed in amusing ways so please share. Brighten my day.

I would settle for cheesy puns. 

(Yup, I'm that desperate.  I work better with Laughter).

**Update:  To top off my day a Contractor came by to give me some schwag.  Awesome - yes ( I love free shit even if it's a key chain with little wooden's free.) but he also thought that I was preggers.  Remember I've gone through this  before.   
Ok, I'm not really fat I just have a belly.

Oh and where's all my funny stories.  Dammit, you'd think you people had jobs/lives.  PAYATTENTIONTOME please. 

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sept 19th - International TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

I shit you not buccaneers.

Here's some asstastic pirate pick-up lines from  Talk Like a Pirate

You  pervies will enjoy.

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

(We came up with these in an effort to interest The Other Dave (Letterman) in TLAPD. His staff liked 'em, but alas, his show was"dark" the week of Sept. 19.)

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often won't)

They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.

You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?

Wanna shiver me timbers?

I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.

Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.

That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Let's get together and haul some keel.

That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates
By popular demand ...

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!


...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:

1. You. Pants Off. Now!

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Happy Dirty Thirty-Fourth Birthday to ManFriend!!!

I'm not going to even start to tell you how Manfriend started his birthday at 1:30am this morning.  What I will tell you, it was not graceful, charming or dignified.  It was quite memorable for me and just another piece of ammo to tuck away for a later date. 

Tonight we are having a lil' shindig at the camp lounge and I'm guessing we'll be doing the same in a month because it will be my birthday (Oct 18th you little tramps...I best be getting some prezzies or at least well wishes!)

Birthday's seem to be loathed by many but I love 'em.   I figure it was the day the world was blessed with my presence so no matter how old and decrepit I am, I am gonna celebrate that bitch the best I can.  This is no easy feat when we're up North so I do what I can to make it a good time for Manfriend. I love him so much and I love to see him happy.  Of course a party where he's the center of attention (pffft attention whore) certainly makes him happy.  (I've seen the proof...don't try to deny it mister). Oh and a whole lotta booze and food that contains much greasy goodness adds to the happiness factor.   Of course his lovely hostess is the cherry on top.

People tend to place so much negativity to the fact that they are just getting older.  Yeah it sucks ass when you start discovering the signs of aging but hey, get over it at least you've lived another year!  KICK ASS YOU'RE ALIVE.          Once you've lost loved  ones from varying ages, you tend to respect those aged years more and more.  Life changes so quickly and so dramatically so enjoy every moment you possibly can.  Also don't forget to hug (not those uncomfortable lingering hugs, nor those weak back tapping hugs, just a good sturdy and meaningful hugs).

And to my Manfriend, I give him my hugs for the rest of our lives even after he's been a jackass

Love you Honey and hope you enjoy the shit out of your day. 

Here's some T&A to help your day along. 

And in reality:


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Super Slammed & Cookie Monster

This is a 14 day stretch up in the big ol Mud Pit that is the Oilsands.  
I have been up to my neck in invoices and work outs.  

Yes Manfriend and I signed up for the "Biggest Loser," Challenge at work.  So far I lost 4lbs in 4 days (I think I may have gained those back last night thanks to my friend the crantini).  I'm not in it to win even though there's a big chunk of change at stake.  I want to lose the weight but I want it to be permanent not the quick drop.  Done that before and it comes back and quickly.  

So between work (I'm on a computer for 10hrs straight) and trying to live a healthy lifestyle in camp I haven't had any time to blog.  

Nothing really exciting or amusing has happened as of lately any way.  I'm pretty much boring as fuck.  

I will resume my regular schedule soon. 

What I will leave you with is some random cookie monster stuff that I found.

Oh and if you need some good giggles check out Regretsy

FYI I would totally sport this shirt.

Fuck me this made me laugh.