Sunday, September 19, 2010

Sept 19th - International TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY

I shit you not buccaneers.

Here's some asstastic pirate pick-up lines from  Talk Like a Pirate

You  pervies will enjoy.

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

(We came up with these in an effort to interest The Other Dave (Letterman) in TLAPD. His staff liked 'em, but alas, his show was"dark" the week of Sept. 19.)

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?
And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is …

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Bonus pickup lines (when the ones above don't work, as they often won't)

They don’t call me Long John because my head is so big.

You’re drinking a Salty Dog? How’d you like to try the real thing?

Wanna shiver me timbers?

I’ve sailed the seven seas, and you’re the sleekest schooner I’ve ever sighted.

Brwaack! Polly want a cracker? … Oh, wait. That’s for Talk Like a PARROT Day.

That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Let's get together and haul some keel.

That’s some treasure chest you’ve got there.

Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates
By popular demand ...

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!


...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:

1. You. Pants Off. Now!


  1. Change finest pirate booty to I'd love to plunder your booty. :)

    I spent the whole day replaying Muppets Treasure Island; because there’s Tim Curry’s singing is seven kinds of awesome.

    “Some say that pirates steal and should be feared and hated
    I say we’re victims of bad press, it’s all exaggerated
    We’d never stab you in the back, we’d never lie or cheat
    We’re just about the nicest guys you’d ever want to meet!"

  2. That movie is fantastic. I haven't seen it in a very long time.

    That's it. I'm gonna go buy it if they have it in Blu-ray when I go home this weekend.

    Maybe see if they have Fraggle Rock too. I'm the proud owner of 5 Fraggle Dolls.

  3. Barely remember Fraggle Rock, probably because I was three years old at the time.


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