Tuesday, November 30, 2010

It's Bloggerstock! "What am I NOT Thankful For..."

Once again it is Bloggerstock time!  You know the blog-swap-ring type thing. 
Today's Post is brought to you by....
Riley Carson from http://wayfaring-stranger.com/
*Round of applause please*

She has a rather lovely blog with beautiful pictures so do stop by for a visit and enjoy! (It's all like...professional looking and stuff.  I hope she doesn't feel grungy from posting on this dive!)

Oh and please check out my post over on Ohemgille's blog .  It's a bit more serious than my usual and I spent more than 5 minutes on it.  I also was in the camp lounge chugging sipping on spiced rum and gingers.  Didn't even proofread (why start now?).


The Native American’s found the Jamestown Settlers in such a wretched, starved state that they began to teach them how to farm, to fish and to survive in the nutrient dense forests of Virginia. The Settlers were so disgustingly bad that they had resorted to cannibalism, digging up graves and eating corpses, or lapping up the running blood from recent dead! One man allegedly killed, salted then ate his pregnant wife. Thank God for the Native Americans that helped the incompetent settlers.
Then a century later, the Native Americans were given small pox infested blankets, and taken away from their native lands into the deserts, the barrens and the horrible places in the middle of the country.
I bet they regret their little act of charity. I bet that’s something they’re not grateful for come November time during a celebration where Indians and settlers allegedly broke bread – ah, what a Myth .
It’s an interesting holiday for me, and the twist of traditions has an ironic flavor that tickles the cockles of my heart and sends a silly smile to my lips.
So when Bloggerstock made the theme “What are you not grateful for?” I jumped on the bandwagon. It was too good to pass up and, I think, is more in line with the history of the holiday than the tradition of going around the table for a feel-good ‘what are you thankful for this year?’I’m Riley Carson soldier, blogger, writer - and this year, I’m not grateful for propaganda.
I can’t flip a channel without seeing another enlisted soldier talking about how he’s from some farm in Bum-Fuck Nowhere, missing his wife, his mom, his kids and apple pie. Then there’s flag-waving, God Bless Americas and a short skit about how our boys overseas are still fighting the good fight.
Here’s the issue; not all soldiers came to the army by way of a turnip truck. Many soldiers aren’t boys, but men and women who don’t appreciate being infantilized. At it’s very core, we can even examine the part where “God” is always mentioned – we’re operating under the assumption that we all believe in the same God, or any God at all. There are plenty of atheists in foxholes, with Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and pagans. Let’s not forget the gay/bisexual soldiers that wouldn’t even be able to acknowledge who they miss while on Deployment. Heck, some people don't miss their spouse/significant other at all because Deployments are the best time of their life!
Soldiers are simply a microcosm of society; they’re as diverse, as intricate and as interesting as any other society. They’re not so two-dimensional that you can wrap stars and stripes around one and say that he can represent every one.
Propaganda is potent; One day, I’ll see an Asian female soldier (like me) that’s not on a computer while wearing an Air Force uniform, but not this year. The Media wants to show the sweet faced Caucasian boys and girls with a slight southern drawl, sometimes focusing on an African American, if the diversity bug bites them. They conform to a pretty little box, a wonderful little stereotype! That makes people wave flags and go “Support the Troops!” So when someone makes the broad brush statement of “Senator so-and-so doesn’t support the troops!” we can all be filled with hatred and make sure we defend our defenseless kids who are fighting over seas and don’t have the means to vote and defend themselves.
Soldiers are being used as tools in the political game. We’ll tug your silly little feel-good heart strings as you think of us and buy yourself a little $2.00 yellow ribbon which finances some sweatshop overseas. It’ll tug the Patriotic American heart-strings the way the myth of that first Thanksgiving in Jamestown does.
It’s cute. It’s sweet. I hate it.
It’s not the truth! The truth is so much more interesting! I'm the ungrateful Riley Carson from Wayfaring Stranger, have a day! 

Riley C.
Wayfaring Stranger an outsider's social critique


Monday, November 29, 2010

Whoops I Did IT Again - *Update*

No I didn't do THAT again, for shame of even thinking I did.  Geesh.

I did the ...too-much-time-on-my-hands thing again:

"How about a little tongue?"

In truth it doesn't take much time to do personify a shredder. 
I was covering for the front end Admin and still performing my job duties so not a lot of time at all.  

However, you always have to make time to give someone a giggle. 

**Update:  Mon Thru Fri has featured my Saucy Shredder!  If you haven't checked out that site you're missing out on geeky office fuckery humour. 

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dirty Furnace!

I just received this email from my previous coworker & friend "Feek."

"In the winter my new furnace puts out one of these every 3-4 days. I put them on the front step but GF throws them away. Go figure."

Anyone recognize that can??

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Icky Icky Sicky Sicky

This is gonna be a quickie because I'm a sickie.  Not like dirty in the head sickie...I have a cold.  Manfriend and I both came down with a bug our first day back to work so we took a sick day on Monday. 

I didn't even look at the intertubes.  An entire day on the couch and no bloggity blog. 

Told ya I'm sick. 

Manfriend is all chipper and on the mend and I seem to be worse today. 

Creativity and blogging isn't high on my list of priorities right now but I will be back soon.  Bloggerstock is coming up so I gotta get better so I can drink and type.   It's the best, believe you me. 
Also, I will be laid off from December 15th till Feb 1st.  Meaning there will be plenty of penny pinching and blathering blog time. 
Except those 2 WEEKS I will be in FREEPORT, BAHAMAS.  Not that I'm bragging or anything...hah hah bitchez..j/k loves you 4Eva! Don't hate, keep reading my blog pretty please. 

Oh I just wanted to share this pic of two Hot Mamas (who aren't really Mamas):
Couldn't you just pinch us?!?
 Snaggletooth and I were out with some other hotties for All You Can Eat Japanese & Korean BBQ.  
Being Vegan just wouldn't work for me. 
 Oh you know what's not a good idea?  Wearing a corset and going for all you can eat. I had to keep drinking to force the food back down my throat tube. 

So off I go for a few days to get better and do the work thing.  
I'm still reading blogs, naturally. So keep 'em coming you crazy, wild, dirty, trampy, lovely, warm, pervy, cheeky, poetic, talented...Bloggers! 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Dog LOVES Vibrating Toys AND I was Given My First Award!

  I know ya'll ....oh wait, I'm Canadian... I know you all checked out this post because you saw "Vibrating Toys," in the subject line, eh?  Tsk Tsk...bunch of creeps.  I'm talking about my dog here.
  Last night we flew into blizzard  Calgary for our days off.  Manfriend's brother lives in the basement/house but doesn't eat that stuff you call ..Produce aka fresh fruit or vegetables.  We call him "CaveDweller."  CaveDweller fills that stereotype that plays WOW, works from home, doesn't clean, and well ...doesn't eat fresh foods at home (I don't know his eating habits outside the house).   Our first agenda, after massage and Chiro, is hitting up the grocery store.
  Sometimes a few wobbly pops are involved before we go grocery shopping.  Sometimes that leads to expensive grocery bills and odd purchases of items we really don't need.
  My dog has a gazillion toys but she's my baby doggie and my guilt of being away 10 days at time compels me to buy her more.  Plus she goes batshit crazy over new toys.  Her favourite is vibrating toys.  Vibrating Pussy Cat toys. 
Don't knock it till you try it. 

  Manfriend started off the torture by holding the toy, casually, while Shayla was rolling her treat ball around.  Then he pulls the tail...it starts to vibrate...dog gets down right excited standing on her arthritic, hind legs. 
Game on.
Obviously not Manfriend's hand.  It was my time to torment.
That is one effin' happy dog with her vibrating toy.

Treat ball interferes with the vibrating toy relationship.

Yeah, I'm wearing my bitchin' new apron.
Enough of my dog pictures.  Miss Melicious awarded me this:

Stop and check out her blog.  Always entertaining and feel sorry for her as she is in Alberta too.  Ok don't feel sorry for her but point and laugh when it's winter.  I'm doing that to myself right now. 

Now I shall pass this on to 4 bloggers that tickle my pink me pink!

(All kinds of fun & sexy-time)
(She did a post regarding the question if Zombies Poop. Nuff said)

(She takes pretty pictures and I appreciate that.)
(I likey the way she draws "Periods."
Of course there is so many more I would love to award this to but my pot roast is just about done and well, I have to get back to life.

Speaking of life, Manfriend just booked our flights to the Bahamas/Freeport for January where we will be renting a condo for two weeks.  I'm just basking in that right now. 

Please don't hate.  We work away from home in -20 to -50 weather in the winter.  We so deserve this and we shall enjoy.

Viva la Sunshine!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

In Case You Wanted to Get Me a Present....

......Because I know you're all Awesome and have nothing better to do with your time and/or money.  

I came across this wonderful office necessity :

Wait for it....
Yes.  That is what I'm talking about!

Even a close up shot of the action.
Office supplies to offend everyone?  Whatev'  This would be a trophy piece on my desk. Besides I have so much shit on my desk it would take forever for anyone to notice and when they did, it would be pure awesomeness. 

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Things I Hear/Read at Work

You don't understand how difficult it can be to contain myself when I come across weird slang terms at work.  Oh wait, you probably do understand because most of you are pretty pervy *finger pointing* to begin with. 




I've heard so many more but tend to forget them, however I heard/read these 3 in the last 2 days...AND MORE THAN ONCE.

My Manager generally shakes his head and walks away when he sees me cracking up.  

I'm making it a mission to start writing this shit down.  

The last position I was in - in regards to WORKING and not the streets -, I had to take meeting minutes.  Try writing when you hear stuff that gets your dirty mind a racing.  Also try keeping it together because you're surrounded by Engineers (Ones that can't even grasp Dilbert ) and Site Managers. 

Of course if there was anyone who really knew me in those meetings,  would look right at me with a smidge of a grin, making it all the harder to keep composure.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Trews - Highway of Heroes

A Timely Video for Remembrance Day in Canada

A Message from Sophie

Do you remember Mamdou ?  If you don't to recap, I'm on a gazillion social networking sites that I completely forget about until I get a notifcation that I have a message.  Then it's like a mini-itty-bitty-electronic-twisted-Christmas!
This is what was sitting under my intertube Christmas tree:

 Hello My Dear

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or beautyful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.thanks( sophia30_deby@blah.com), that is my mail contact. I really care for your relationship
Waiting to read from you
yours sophia

I feel moved...don't you?  Oh wait, that's just gas. 


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

6 Month Aniversary and my 100th Post!

Not one dirty butt has been dragged across my lips in 6 months!  Get your filthy minds out of the gutter.  I was referring to quitting smoking.

   Originally I started this blog as an additional focus to help stay on track but now it's just morphed into no theme at all.  All disorganized and random but hey, that's how I roll.
  I must admit it feels pretty damn good to be a non-smoker still and I'm fucking proud.  I haven't lasted this long since I started smoking at age 14.  This is it, I am NOT going back. *Fingers crossed* Even if it would help in losing the 10 lbs I can't seem to bloody well shake. (Smoking is such a fantastic appetite suppressant. FML)  However, I have more money in the bank, preventing wrinkles, not starting the day with hacking up tar lung butter (mmm sexy), and I don't stink.   The only problem is that so many people on site smoke, kinda goes along with the oilsands construction scene, and they stink.  I have to ride buses and planes with craploads of smokers and now the smell just turns my stomach.  I've become one of those non-smokers who smells fantastic.

One realization that came to mind as well...6 MONTHS OF MY LIFE HAS GONE BY?!?! What the hell man?!  When you basically spend only a week at your own home a month, it eats your soul time flies.

So in 6 months I have quit smoking, gained weight that is clinging on for dear life, gained more gray hairs, had to get a second pair of glasses for the computer, found out I have a degenerate disc in my lower back, had to start carrying EPI-Pens around with me.....er...I'm just going to stop there because I'm spiralling into depression getting sad. 

 Ok, ok...what else happened in 6 months?  Well really I worked a lot, enjoyed the hell out of life and I got engaged!  You see, I'm not getting old.  I am growing up.  Aging can suck but it's inevitable so have fun.  When I'm an old lady I'm so going to do shit (tell people off) that I couldn't get away with now.  It will be glorious.  Also, my hair will be every colour of the rainbow, once again.  

This isn't a fantastic, noteworthy post.  It's more along the lines of bragging rights/whining.  Rather oxymoron-ist post. 
Life has been busy and sometimes that sucks the creative juices out of you, and not in a fun way. 

Also Manfriend had to stay home to look after Kidlet for the last couple days, leaving me by my lonesome up North (I was so cold and lonely).  He did arrive to site this morning which means.....Imma so gonna get laid toinght!!!! Just sayin'. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My Printer has a Happy ....IN MY PANTS

Remember my Happy Printer?

 He can also be found at Mon thru Fri

One of the comments brought up the fact that he looks like Home Star Runner.  

This is a pretty good comparison don't you think?  What's even better is someone said it looked like  Number Munchers

GTFO I used to effin' LOVE this game when I was a kid (in the 80's).  There wasn't any other colours except for shades of green when I played it on the old apple computers at school.

Something like this...I was a kid and there's been a lot of substance abuse that has happens though the years.   Memory tends to get a bit fuzzy but hey, this is pretty damn close.
This got me searching for old Apple Ads and this is what I found:

I miss Jim Henson

This one popped up too:

Yeah, that shit wouldn't fly today.
Getting back to Number Munchers..... check out what popped up on Google Images:

I thought that was pretty boss.

This also showed up:

I particularly enjoy the way the walls match her hair.  Oh and I lived in a house with a similar fake wood panel wall along with dark puke green carpet and matching kermit the frog green couches.  This was all accented by the lovely Macrame strewn about our home. 

Ok, that could not be found in our household but how HOT hey?  There's BUTTONS to cover the nipples.  Old school pasties = Buttons

ANYWAYS more things that popped up when searching for Number Munchers...

Oh Google and your sneaky dirty ways!!  That was "Safe Search Moderate!" What would you show me naughty Google if I turned it off?!  Perhaps a Goatse or two??

Speaking of naughty...check out Inappropriate Remarks "In MY PANTS," contest.  By check it out I mean just read it ya know, cuz I like totally want to win that contest.
I've got the office in on this contest and we're having a hoot. THERE ARE SO MANY but I'm not gonna sharesies in case one of you bastards (I say that with much affection) steal any of my co-workers ideas. 

I know you people are far more creative than that. I'm not so I use other peoples pictures/ideas.  Whatever, works for my  lack of skills  lazy ass.


Monday, November 1, 2010

Manfriend Math

My honey made a funny. 

Once again being the diligent IT guy at work he sends me this:


Yeah, he's a keeper.

Oh and then he sent me:
A corset with My Little Pony material!?!?!?  I'm so doubly keeping him!