Sunday, April 17, 2011

Awards and Weddings

First things first....Congratulations to Tricia from Confessions of a Recovering Cynic because her man put a ring on it.  As I type this she's sitting in her jammies, sipping on champagne, and looking at Bridal Magazines.  Yup, I just outed her for being a girly girl.  It's ok, roll with it girl!  It's your day and I don't want to be the only one going all ga-ga girlie. 

 
So I seemed to wrangle me a couple of awards but it's just taken me forever to post them.  I'm such an ungrateful wench.  Paddle me if you will!

This award is from the dashing Kage from Sex, Sequins + Sociopaths who I am totally cooking dinner for on Thursday.  Here's hoping we avoid that whole salmonella thing!  Just kidding....I have my food safe and generally I'm a good cook. (Did I tell you Manfriend said I was a better cook than his MOM and his EX-Wife?  I think I did but I had to say it again.  Yeah, bitchin.)

So I'm supposed to tell you 7 things that you probably don't know about me.  

1. I love the smell of fresh plastic....like new Mc Donald's toys.  
2. I have 1 tooth missing.
3. Love love lovvvvve glutes ass massages.
4. Can't stand the feeling of foam.  I'm referring to foamie mattress kind of   foam.  I possibly will vomit when touching foam. 
5. Mushrooms make me gag.
6. I miss, "You Can't Do That On Television."
7. Currently I'm spiraling into wedding planning mush brain.  Seriously, where the fuck do I begin??! 

I'm sending this on to this wackjob El Grande from My Lucha Libra Life 
and to William's Girl who gave me this next award.

She's a sweet gal who's also been enduring this lousy ass winter we've been having in Calgary.  Apparently she's a "Delicious, inappropriate, emotional, badass, superstar!"  Well that's certainly a recipe for a whole lotta fun and jail time.  I think we'll have to meet up in Calgary sometime. Yes indeed.
 
To claim this award, there are two rules: (1) I have to re-gift it to five other blogs that I love and (2) I have to write things things about myself that I love. (Can't I just focus on my flaws?  It's much easier.)

What do I love about myself?

Hmm..

I do make people laugh a lot and dish out some pretty good insults on a whim.   For example, some guys we work with decided to start texting me from numbers I didn't recognize but I knew who it was. (A fellow coworker who has my number was hanging out with these other two and I burned one of them and then they starting getting in on the text war)   We'll call him Sparky because he's an electrician pain in the ass as most electricians go. This is the convo:

Sparky:  I'm NOT GAY!!
Sparky:  I'm NOT GAY!!

(I'm totally confused with this Gay thing but decided to roll with it.

Me: When you enjoy buttsecks like you do...it's a key indicator.
 
Sparky: I'M NOT GAY!!

Me: $10 in Lube says you are.

Sparky:  Only the cheap stuff I'll go $11 a tube lol

Me:  Wow youse are cheap like a bathroom loonie condom dispenser (loonie = 1 dollar for youse Americans. I used to be a server and I can't tell you how many Americans asked me how much a loonies was...even QUARTERS! They looking the fucking same as American quarter.  Don't get me wrong, I don't have a hate on for our southern brothers..just idiots.)

ME: I say that with total respect of course.

Sparky: Remember I said I had no kids... that means no cheap ass dink wrap. Lol

Me:  Well I also wasn't ruling out you spent too much time around radiation (please tell me you can't breed.)

At this point the other guy outta the three sent me a text.

Egghead: I am feeling left out.

Me:  You want a reach-around too? I'm sure the boys can help you out there.

So this went on and sure enough Sparky & Egghead thought Manfriend was feeding me these lines.  My buddy set them straight with a big ol' "Noooooooooooooooo you don't know her very well do you?"


That's all I'm going to say about myself.  Lets give this sucka out to:

Kagey - her blog certainly has that little bit extra

Confessions of a Recovering Cynic - I can rely on her for a laugh.

Glorious Sandwiches - It's a food blog but hey, sandwiches are beautiful and her sandwiches are extra beeauuutiful!


Since I can only count to three, I'm outta here!.


Peas Out

15 comments:

  1. Grats! Your text conversation was pretty fuckin funny!

    Hed

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  2. i always feel dirty after i read you blog..

    but in a good way!

    :)

    this one had m rollling and in stitches...or rolling stitches?

    funny stuff as usual! oh and congrats

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  3. Thanks guys & gal!

    Bruce....I enjoy making you feel dirty. ;)

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  4. Congrats on your awards and thanks for sharing more of your workplace shennanigans : )

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  5. Thanks Empress! Shit I do talk about my workplace shennanigans a lot! Well I do spend more time up here more than home. I only get about 8 nights in our own bed a month.

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  6. Cool, thanks for the award. I made my sister's day by telling her that she was the one who got it, because that's how great a brother I am.

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  7. You are so going to hell for outting me!!!!! :)

    Does it make me any less girly-pathetic if the pajamas I was wearing were a t-shirt I got for free at a strip club for having so many lap dances?

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  8. I AM NOT GAY!

    but i do also miss "you can't do that on television".

    thanks for the award, ckrets! and i can't wait for my salmonella poisoning in thursday!

    i mean dinner.

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  9. Congratulations on your well-deserved award. You keep life interesting :-). Have a great day. Blessings...Mary

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  10. You are a gem!! Thanks for the award lady! I definitely think we need to stir some shit up sooner than later around here!

    Plus i'm going stir crazy in this weather. Recipe for disaster.

    I'M NOT GAY. HAHAH LOVE IT!

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  11. I saw your comment on Absolutely Narcissism's post and wanted to stop by your little place. I love the painting at the top of the woman smoking. So artsy! I also miss "You Can't Do That On Television". That was filmed in Canada, right? I hardly know anything about Canada, unfortunately. I live way down in Texas. One of these days I'm coming up that way!

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  12. Hey Kelly!
    Thanks for stopping by. Yes that show was Canadian and it's where Alanis Morrissette started.

    If you're coming up this way ...wait for Summer. DO NOT, under any circumstance, visit during the winter. Hahahah

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  13. Nice post! It's influential and informative. Thank you for sharing. Keep posting for more. Kudos!

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Don't be shy and comment away. All of my family knows of this blog so feel free to be as dirty as you like.