Catching Up - In My PANTS, Guinea Fowl for Men and Picture Scavenger hunt?

So I haven't been around too much lately but that's due to wrapping things up before I'm laid off for 6 weeks.  Pretty much things have been hectic in my head.  I've been reading blogs quickly and jotting down comments here and there but it has lacked my full attention.  (Those who are right on the ball and write a post every single freaking day ..some times twice..just astound me.  WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME AND DRIVE.  Shit, I don't even have babies like you crazy ass Mom-Bloggers, who I adore so much, who seem to produce hilarious and creative posts every bloody day. Bite me with love.) This is my little catch up post.


First the bad news.


I did NOT win the the "In My Pants," contest put on by The Bear Monk. 

Healing will come in due time and with loving support.  Speaking of support...we should support to The Bear Monk to do another contest like this.  I mean....the winner got a T-Shirt with "Where the Wild Things Are....IN MY PANTS!"  Doesn't matter if you spill mustard, motor oil, hooker vomit, pig barf...etc on that shirt.  It will still be bitchin'.  Inappropriatly remarkably so.


Generally I blog about the weird dreams I get.  I've been slacking once again because ..well...I know I've had some crazy ass dreams but now they've slipped through the swiss cheese holes that keep my gray matter aerated.  The quick and weird dream I had last night hasn't fully slipped through. 


I dreamt of Snaggletooth (my BFFFFFFFF in Calgary) and Guinea Fowl.

Yes that's what that bird looks like.  They're actually native to Africa and my Mom, who lives on Vancouver Island, until recently used to farm them.

All I remember in this dream was that Snaggletooth wanted to acquire some Guinea Fowl.  Why?  To get a Man of course. 

  I was trying to help her corral up these damn birds because she felt it was going to assist her in landing a perma-man.  There was a lot of dirt in the dream surroundings and she was crazy ass bossy more than her normal middle german child self. I was scared. 
  In the dream I started thinking how this was so out of her character.  She has put up with shitty partners shit like most of us and has put her foot down.  Snaggletooth is a very strong short woman who gets a hot head with a large heart and will not settle for the next person who is going to promise her the world.  You better have proof you son-of-a-bitch or prepare to feel her fate of fury. 

So this dream, made no sense to me and I woke up. (I woke up outta confusion..not fear.  Please don't tell her she frightens me)


Next item on the agenda:  BAHAMAS PICTURE SCAVENGER HUNT!

We had way too much fun with the last Picture Hunt when we drove the big ol' RV from Calgary to Penticton, B.C. The list ended up like this then the pictures ended up like this. A total fucking hoot. This time we are going to Freeport Bahamas and it looks like we'll also be spending a weekend in Nassau. This is going to call for another Picture Scavenger hunt for sure.  I'm just planting the idea bug right now to you kind and beautiful bloggers (Please don't pick something retardedly hard like a Redwood Cedar to take a picture of or an old British Man NOT in a speedo). 

 It shall be soon when I start posting for requests (I will record requests now as well you impatient, lovely, bastards) but for now I shall leave you with this shittay picture from our camp lounge.

Yeah that's creepier than I thought. 
This is also the FIRST EVER picture taken with my new laptop that gives you the option of cheezy ass backgrounds which are SEXCITING. New laptop that I did not plan on buying but Manfriend decided otherwise (read: he does not like to share "his" laptop.  He missed that 'sharing' part of Kindergarten). The way he presented this present-when-we-are-supposed-to-be-NOT-SPENDING was in the manner of practically throwing the box at me as we were packing the truck to drive up North.
He flashed this little grin that spoke.....You can't get mad at me ...it's a LAPTOP and on SALE and YOU FUCKING LOVE ME.

Son of a bitch I do. 

I had a Surrogate! (Dream Time)

Yet another quirky short dream coming from yours truly fuct up .  Manfriend and I were going to have a baby however I was not the one carrying le bebe.  A former crazy Newfie   gal ( obviously but hey it's my wacko dream world it could've been a guy) we'll call Ni-Newf.  

Apparently she went to Chinatown in Vancouver to get preggos for us.

She had to eat this combo of weird blue eggs for this to happen.

Courtesy of http://www.lucynoakes.co.uk/Jewellery_pages/goodenough.html

 I remember seeing her standing on a curb at approx 8 months pregnant, wearing this fugly jean like maternity dress.  I can't find a picture that comes close to it but it wasn't even a long dress.  Her cooter was basically hanging out.  
I was just staring at how pathetic she looked and with a knee jerk reaction, started to look for food for her. Thinking, I want my baby to be healthy! 

Then I woke up in this Northern Alberta Paradise with WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT screaming in my brain.  Shortly after that another curse at the realization I had to go to work and it was still dark out. 

Canadian winters can kiss my tuckus.

Incarcerated Lover and Books on Tape

Welcome to another one of my fuct up dreams.  
I haven't even touched Champix for months.  (Speaking of which on Oct 9th it will be 5 months since I quit smoking!!)

I remember visiting this jail but it was more of a hostel that was institutionalized like.  Hey, that's the best way I can describe it.

Manfriend was there and we were both dressed quite nicely and had the air of we-were-bloody-well-important-round-these-parts.  That bitch Lindsay Lohan made a lil cameo in my dream.  She was all flailing around trying to make a buck in my subconcious. 

So there was this little redheaded dude that was doing a life sentence in there who took quite a liking to my hot piece of ass.  He started writing me these love letters that looked similar to poems.  I can't remember the words but it's the way it was structured on the page in large, messy, similar to that of a 8 year old's printing.  

Manfriend knew about it and we decided to keep it all hush hush and found it rather amusing.

Then creepozoid's Mother  started sending me shit.  It several books on tape wrapped in this cheezy birthday wrapping paper.  This wrapping paper was yellow with nightmare inducing clown faces. Lot of Red on this yellow paper.
Along with the prezzie's was a note stating that he was getting out and coming to visit me so the presents were for him to pick up.

I started to panic and contact the prison authorities, quietly as I had an election coming up. (Yeah WTF..I don't know..don't ask me.) 

Then I saw a picture of his Mother and found out she was severely mentally disabled and BIG.  Like...cue in the hillbilly banjo music.  Like she was from Louisiana or something.  (BAHZING Take that Sara  !!! Just kidding but not really...Don't hate).

The rest of the dream was me trying to figure out how to avoid meeting this guy and apologizing to him for leading him on even though I never responded to him once.

I woke up in my usual confused state.  Then I was pissed that Lindsay Suckhan made was in my dream. Someone needs to lock that Cee-yoU-Next-Tuesday away.

 

Manfriend Pissing Me Off...in My Dreams Again

My dreams often take place in the Port Alberni house where I spent the most amount of my childhood.  I have no feelings of nostalgia in regards to that dive.  Mom did the best to dress it up and we did have fruit trees in the back but it also had things like ant infestations.  This is something the cheap ass Kraut Landlord  wouldn't take care of properly.  I loathe and despise ants.  Yeah, yeah they're fascinating blah blah blah.  They're not too fanfuckingtastic  when they invade every item of food ...chewing through cardboard..in your house hold.  One morning my mother went to pour me a bowl of cereal.  Instead of nutritious-no added sugar-no artificial flavour-no fun-grain product I was served up a bowl full of ants. HOLYFUCKINGBATSHITCRAZYHIGHPITCHEDSCREAMING!  

Did I mention I would find them in my bed? 




Where was I going with this?  Oh right,  I don't miss that house but it always seems to be a starting point in my stress dreams. 

So I was in my old bedroom which used to be an attic so if you were over 5'6 you would have to bend over to walk around the middle of my room.  The walls on either side were slanted so the peach walls seem to close you in.   I was sitting on the brown shag carpeting my mother put down to cover up the linoleum and was tidying up.  When I'm in these dreams it's like I'm really there.  I mean I swear I can smell the house and feel the temperature (Totally different climate there than here).  

Enter Manfriend.

He's younger, thinner but still wearing a hat so I don't know if he had thicker hair too.

He was being totally cocky and full of 'tude.

Manfriend asks me how I felt about smoking now.  I wasn't looking at him and trying to ignore him since I he was irritating me.  He repeats the question a couple times until I turn around and then ..He blows Smoke in ..my..face. 


And...I freak the fuck out.

 I was so damn upset that he was smoking again but the bigger point was that he was smoking in my room.  How DARE he!  Plus my mom is totally going to freak out..she will know there's smoking in the house.


Wait.....Whaaaa?


And I wake up. 


Told Manfriend he was an asshole in my dreams again.  Well as long as those dreams don't leak into reality, I'll have to deal with it.  Guess if those dreams leaked into reality I would more likely be institutionalized. 

Tuna Go Juice! - Dream

This is just a quick recap of a dream. This dream occurred between 5:20am and 6:00am, when I had thought I hit snooze but hit, have a lil sleep in and then wake up in a flurry of a panic.   

Not too sure where I was in the dream but it had a small town feel to it.  The lead and coordinator for our massively massive department (really it's just the 3 of us) was there.  I shall call them HeWhoFillsNoGas and Feek (Fifty Yr Old Geek...he's never going to share bacon with me after he reads this). 

I was stuck waiting for them and I wanted to go home and see Manfriend.  HeWhoFillsNoGas insisted that I had to have a loaf of white bread.  I was trying to be polite and say I was ok without it especially since  I tend to avoid that intestinal gum.   He wouldn't take no for an answer finally I just agreed and guess what?  He didn't have the loaf of bread so we all had to go to the store to pick some up.   grrr.   Naturally, Feek was driving so we all piled into his truck.  I was sitting there waiting when Feek said he had to fuel up. Grrrr.
I calmed myself thinking it would only take a few minutes but it seemed to be taking longer.  I asked Feek what he was doing.  Apparently he was looking for Tuna.  GRRRRR Why was he looking for tuna?  To add to his Fuel because he gave his truck more of a boost, of course. GRRSNAGGLRAFERLFFFuuuuckkkk

I was right pissed, I just wanted to go home. Then I remember swallowing a handful of pills, very casually, but then I realized that I didn't know what I swallowed.  This put me into a panic and I was trying to make myself throw up...then I woke up and realized my morning was fucked.  

To make it better, as I flew outta bed and into the shower I pinched a nerve in my neck.  Now I can't turn my head to the left without a massive shock of pain.  


But hey, I fly home today and get to see Manfriend, Kidlet, and Shayla.  If HeWhoFillsNoGas tells me I have to have a loaf of bread Imma kick him in the shins and throw a tuna can at Feek.  




PS:  I did not take any Champix either.  So I'm that messed up without drugs.


  

What a Jerk - Dream

Of course I've had batloads of weird dreams but if I don't record them right away I often forget.  One that I do remember from the week that I took off was short but funny...once I fully became aware it was not real and I couldn't be pissed at Manfriend.


We were standing in our back yard, where there is no sod as of yet so it kinda looks like this: 

Take away the trees and replace with new suburban houses, which some still don't have sod in the front.  Somehow the guy right behind us has made it so absolutely nothing lives/grows in his muck that surrounds his house.  It's kinda concerning really...WTF is he spraying on there??!?  

Anyways you can also add loads of these to that picture as well:

Nasty, prickly bastards they are.  Gives quite the juicy *splat* when you get em with the weed whacker.  Satisfyingly so.

Back to the dream....So I was standing up on the deck and Kris with my dog Shayla, standing in the back yard.  When looking around I noticed all these massive holes similar to this:

They were much larger and deep.  Very deep.  

Shayla has been around many rodents ie: rats, chinchillas etc and doesn't have a problem with them.  She goes batshit crazy over the lil prairie gopher things..whatever you call them.  She all of a sudden goes mighty hunter like when one starts chirping/chattering at her.

The mighty suburban Huntress.

So off she goes exploring these holes, on the hunt.  I started yelling at Manfriend to grab her because she was going to fall in.  He proceeded to ignore me.  I jumped off the deck just as Shayla bounds down this hole.  All I see is her lil white bumhole flying down this hole and then yelping.  Well I'm freaking right out while yelling at Manfriend that we need to save her.  Then I turn and look at Manfriend and he says, "ALL RIGHT We get to use a backhoe!!"

I don't know why he seems to be such an uber-scroate in my dreams because that's really not his nature.  He's a sociable geek who is a good father and kind in nature. Just sayin' (Brownie points honey?). 

Last Nights Dream of Rejection

I found myself in this relationship with this Latin man.  He was overweight and had a very round face.  He also had 3 kids under the age of 10.  We were at his house for his birthday party for which I bought a trip to Maui for he and I, as well as his kids.  Oh I was so excited to go on a vacation.  Somewhere with warm breezes and sand between my toes. 

Oh it would be lovely!  Source

At this party he tells me we need some time apart and I was not going to be going on the trip with them.  He was very dominant and non nonchalant like.  I was so upset, crying and carrying on.  I was begging him to let me go.  It wouldn't be hard for me to just go home and get my suitcase.  He could take the 1 room with the kids and I would get the other room to myself.  He refused and said that we could work on things when he got back.  Apparently he was giving my ticket away to someone but wouldn't tell me who.  I was pretty distraught and started to wake up.  Then I started to get mad and thinking Motherfucker...you are the one who wouldn't be going on that trip and your bratty brood.  You think you're going to take some skank with you?!  I think not...I'm the one with the tickets so I'm gonna bring 4 skanks with me and have a blast.  Reject me will you...well screw you. Of course at that point I have to tell myself to chill out because IT'S NOT REAL.  I was a lil' crotchety this morning.  Crotchety..I love that word. 

This man is Crotchety.

Book Store Dream

~From last weekend

Both Manfriend and I had new jobs for the same company but of course they were in opposite sides of this city.  In my dreams I do get a little confused when something new like this happens. I stop and think...well how did that all go down?  I don't even remember an interview...oh well might as well roll with it.  
I showed up at my new place of employment and it was a bookstore!  Not a Chapters style...old beautiful books.  I was stoked. 

So I decided to go see Manfriend to celebrate. I saw a McDonald's and decided to stop in and get a treat for him.  I don't like to encourage the frequent intake of Rotten Ronnies or fastfood in general but as treat why not.  I don't care what some hippies say..it tastes fanfreakintastic.  It does not digest that way mind you.

So I go in and order a couple of Quarter Pounders....in the kitchen.  I was standing around all these teenagers screwing about in this tiny kitchen and their disorganization was seriously pissing me off.  Instead of giving me the gut bombs they give me pancakes.  Now I start to freak like a junkie looking for a fix. Finally they get my order right but just toss it on this cuttingboard table and expect me to wrap and bag it myself.  I just wanted out of there so I start looking around and asking where everything is. Of course this pissed me off more and then I found out that THIS was my actual new work place.

 

That is all.

 

Ms. Dreamsweridalot

This is going to be a recap of some of my dreams I've had the last few days (GO CHAMPIX!!).  They're short and choppy descriptions because I tend to forget a lot of details but really details aren't necessary.  The gist of the dreams is where it's at...because they make no bloody sense.

June 15th
I remember being in a large grassy yard just hanging out.  In front of me stood a mini (about 3 ft tall) baby purple buffalo.  It was a special purple mini buffalo..it was a talking purple mini buffalo.  Not only that, it had just been born and while talking to me about god knows what, it was slowly shaking off the chunks of afterbirth.  That's all I remember in the dream and don't recall what it was telling me.  It was a dream about a talking, afterbirth shaking, purple, mini buffalo. What .. The.. Hell. 

June 16th
This dream was like I was watching a movie.  Starts out with these two gelatinous slug looking like things on a sidewalk.  They were shriveling up and dying on our planet till one of them realizes they can slide through the sidewalk cracks and absorb the moisture from the grass growing there.  Then they started latching on to all sorts of mammals and then humans, sucking every H2O molecule possible.  It was kinda sci-fi horror flick, which I do not watch for obvious reasons, with the slug thingys growing massive in size killing everything in their wake.  I actually didn't mind this dream because I wasn't involved in it.  Guess I was ok watching everyone else get killed. 

                                             


Apparently there's already a multitude of books about man eating slugs.  One is named plainly, "Slugs," by Shaun Hutson. The cover copy states: They slime, they ooze, they kill... Sounds riveting. These slugs better travel at a supersonic rate on a planet where salt does not exist nor does any of the buttloads of the natural predators.

                                        Ew.
June 17th
There was so much going on in my dreams last night but I had a couple cocktails last night (flying home today...it's tradition) er..so I don't quite remember a lot.  I was in front of a ancient Aztec like building that was thriving with life.  This was cool and I even said so in my dream.  Next dream not so cool.  I had just finished banging a sorta-coworker in some big ass loft.  We were laying down on a foamy with this thin baby blue blanket.  I was on my back  and he was propped up on his elbow staring deeply at me.  My first thought was, "Oh fuck...how did this happen. Oh my god I am such an asshole cheater. What the hell made me do like that?!?! Well lets just get out of this situation gracefully and deal with the guilt later."  At that point he says to me, "I love you."  I go into a silent screaming panic thinking..look at what you did.  Great, just fucking great!! I started to panic so much I woke up.  This never-going-to-be-named-sorta-worker is absolutely random and is a very nice person in waking reality.  Problem is that it's very awkward for me the next day when I see the person and they're hanging around my cubicle.  I can't make eye contact. I feel dirty.  It's like he knows. 
However, I wish I could remember the sex part (there was fuzzy memories) so I would know if it was good or not. 

                              Sometimes they're really, really, reaallly good.




Basically that's all I got right now.  I will try to post later about the whole quitting smoking bit as well as the attitudes of some smokers that I've been thinking about. 


Dream On.