"Natural Harvest " Cooking with Semen?

Once again McBoobs sends me an email:

I need that sperm cook book!!! Can you find it for me again?? I looked up one but I am NOT looking it up again LOL 

My Response:

OMFG …what is wrong with you?  Wait…you’re friends with me.

Here ya go:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/natural-harvest---a-collection-of-semen-based-recipes/5198959

The description is as follows:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

I don't know about you but I wouldn't call a slimey yet sinewy texture...wonderful. 

" Semen is inexpensive to produce."  No shit sherlock.  Just make sure you invest in Gatorade and keep him hydrated. 

 

"commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants."  WAIT WHAT THE FUCK.  Granted if there's a male living in your household there's enough semen to see from space with a black light but in a Restaurant?! That gives me an awful image of chefs whacking off in every creme brulee, roux, cheese sauce, and every ramekin at hand!

 

"Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist."  That exciting twist is fucking SEMEN IN YOUR FOOD.  Not like the natural way of ingesting semen with a water chaser.  No...It's taking over your damn kitchen and acting as a binding ingredient in your baking!!! 

 

This is one of the many things that is wrong with the world.  However, if you do want to buy it for me just drop me an email. K? Thx Bai! 

 

 

Blow Guard?

Yesterday morning I received an email from a girlfriend (We'll call her McBoobs...she's got a fantastic rack) of mine.  

Subject:  For Real?

Body of email:

 

My response: It's totally for real.  The end piece can have one of those little vibrators. 

McBoobs response: Wicked awesome!! LOL I knew I wouldn’t have to look it up at work, all I had to do was ask you LOL 

 Apparently she's under the impression I know every single sex toy/aid/perversions etc...Of course I didn't shatter this illusion by telling her I looked up the website at work on my blackberry.  

I must say I'm intrigued and wouldn't mind adding it to the collection.  I mean, what a slogan it's got going on.  "Don't Nick his Dick.  Just Savour the Flavour." Yeeaaah...no savouring going on in this mouth.  That shit isn't lingering...straight down the throat hole it goes. Also I enjoy how the final line is "He'll return the favour."  Right after he wakes up from his  O-face induced nap?   

That's where I'm going to stop...before I get myself into more trouble. 

Remember, Blowgaurd is taking the JOB out of BLOWJOB.   Does that mean I don't get paid for them anymore?