Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Today Marks *POP* Goes My Blogger Cherry

Before you proceed please read the "About Me," in the right hand margin. 

So here goes my first blog entry.  I'm probably going to be all over the place for awhile until I find my rhythm but knowing me it's going to be pretty damn random with my Tourette-like thoughts.

I decided to quit smoking (again) last month when I was at the doctors for an unrelated reason.  Close to the end of appointment  I just blurted out that I wanted Champix and wanted to know what he thought of it.    Apparently it had around a 44% success rate which kicked ass over Zyban.  Now some people say the best is to do it cold turkey.  Well fuck that.  I tried it when I was 19, didn't turn out so well.  I also tried Zyban which basically just made the smokes taste even more like crap and screw with my (already twisted) head.  I've used the patch and the gum so I might as well give this a shot.  I think the big difference now is my age and that I really want it to work.  Time to kick some muthafukin Nicotine in the ass. *KAPOW* You can imagine me making a motion to that sound effect.  I am quite animated ..spastic some might say.

Smoking, ah smoking how do I miss thee?  
I miss our morning get together, hang outs after meals, killing time while waiting for -*insert reason here*- and how you gave me an excuse  to get away from my desk frequently through the day and of course after sex.  Sometimes you were the only satisfying thing after sex...EXCLUDING present relationship (OMG Honey don't take that the wrong way and cut me off from sex!! I don't have smoking anymore so......).  
What I don't miss about you? 
The morning black lung hack ups, teeth staining, the smell, the raping of my bank account, assisting and encouraging those damn lil lines around my eyeballs that are creeping up and being your slave.  You really did eat up alot of my time.  I would panic if I forgot you, lost you, or ran out of you.  I would stress when I had to travel for hours  without you touching my lips.  Lets face it, you're not good for my health.  A Gazillion out of a Gazillion doctors says so. 

I haven't touched a smoke for 8 days now however I've had about 5 pieces of the nicotine gum.  Most of that was the first couple of days and then a couple pieces while having bevys.  I know that is my biggest challenge: Socializing and booze.  The manfriend (he's far from being a boy anymore even if maturity doesn't dictate so..just kidding baby..again, don't cut me off) still is smoking so when he goes for a dart when we are out it's challenging..well makes me bitter cuz I really fucking want one at that point.  So I make sure I carry the gum with me just to help avoid temptation and even thought the gum has improved it still tastes like shit and burns my mouth.  Reminds me of what I'm not missing. 

It's just the beginning stages of kicking me right in the habit but I have a positive outlook.  One positive is I won't hear my mother asking me if I'm still smoking just about every single time I talk to her.  Also I will have more money to spend on workout clothes for when I get my tubby ass to the gym? (Damn you smoking and your appetite suppressing abilities...I'm lazy you bloody bastard!).  I have a lot of support from friends and family and I feel this blog will help eat up some of that extra time I suddenly have.  Plus if I can help anyone else and more importantly..make you laugh..then it's worth it.  

P.S. Will write later about a couple of dreams I've had the last couple of days when I have the chance.  To serve as a reminder for me:  Purple Baby Buffalo & Gelatinous Moisture Sucking Slugs. 

P.P.S  I already know I'm fucking awful at grammar and am not writing a blog to learn about it.  If you correct me I will fucking CUT you.   xoxoxo


  1. Yes! First Follower :)
    OMG that is exactly why I still smoke! And those are the reasons I totally want to quit! I must say that I'm surprised you didn't hear me chuckle... Very good and I can't wait to read more.
    Keep up the funny, you might just be the first person that might make me want to quit... especially if I have any dreams like yours :)

  2. HAHAH You're a "First Dork."

    I'm glad you enjoyed it Maria and hope I will be able to keep up with your demands. (1 Post per day...pffft we will see how that pans out!)

  3. Just remember there is a difference when cutting.....attention or accross the wrist....and intention, up and down the arm. I'll never be a good suicide hotline person I know

  4. Pfft...It's down the street not across.


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