Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Catching Up - In My PANTS, Guinea Fowl for Men and Picture Scavenger hunt?

So I haven't been around too much lately but that's due to wrapping things up before I'm laid off for 6 weeks.  Pretty much things have been hectic in my head.  I've been reading blogs quickly and jotting down comments here and there but it has lacked my full attention.  (Those who are right on the ball and write a post every single freaking day ..some times twice..just astound me.  WHERE DO YOU FIND THE TIME AND DRIVE.  Shit, I don't even have babies like you crazy ass Mom-Bloggers, who I adore so much, who seem to produce hilarious and creative posts every bloody day. Bite me with love.) This is my little catch up post.

First the bad news.

I did NOT win the the "In My Pants," contest put on by The Bear Monk. 

Healing will come in due time and with loving support.  Speaking of support...we should support to The Bear Monk to do another contest like this.  I mean....the winner got a T-Shirt with "Where the Wild Things Are....IN MY PANTS!"  Doesn't matter if you spill mustard, motor oil, hooker vomit, pig barf...etc on that shirt.  It will still be bitchin'.  Inappropriatly remarkably so.

Generally I blog about the weird dreams I get.  I've been slacking once again because ..well...I know I've had some crazy ass dreams but now they've slipped through the swiss cheese holes that keep my gray matter aerated.  The quick and weird dream I had last night hasn't fully slipped through. 

I dreamt of Snaggletooth (my BFFFFFFFF in Calgary) and Guinea Fowl.
Yes that's what that bird looks like.  They're actually native to Africa and my Mom, who lives on Vancouver Island, until recently used to farm them.

All I remember in this dream was that Snaggletooth wanted to acquire some Guinea Fowl.  Why?  To get a Man of course. 
  I was trying to help her corral up these damn birds because she felt it was going to assist her in landing a perma-man.  There was a lot of dirt in the dream surroundings and she was crazy ass bossy more than her normal middle german child self. I was scared. 
  In the dream I started thinking how this was so out of her character.  She has put up with shitty partners shit like most of us and has put her foot down.  Snaggletooth is a very strong short woman who gets a hot head with a large heart and will not settle for the next person who is going to promise her the world.  You better have proof you son-of-a-bitch or prepare to feel her fate of fury. 

So this dream, made no sense to me and I woke up. (I woke up outta confusion..not fear.  Please don't tell her she frightens me)

Next item on the agenda:  BAHAMAS PICTURE SCAVENGER HUNT!
We had way too much fun with the last Picture Hunt when we drove the big ol' RV from Calgary to Penticton, B.C. The list ended up like this then the pictures ended up like this. A total fucking hoot. This time we are going to Freeport Bahamas and it looks like we'll also be spending a weekend in Nassau. This is going to call for another Picture Scavenger hunt for sure.  I'm just planting the idea bug right now to you kind and beautiful bloggers (Please don't pick something retardedly hard like a Redwood Cedar to take a picture of or an old British Man NOT in a speedo). 
 It shall be soon when I start posting for requests (I will record requests now as well you impatient, lovely, bastards) but for now I shall leave you with this shittay picture from our camp lounge.

Yeah that's creepier than I thought. 
This is also the FIRST EVER picture taken with my new laptop that gives you the option of cheezy ass backgrounds which are SEXCITING. New laptop that I did not plan on buying but Manfriend decided otherwise (read: he does not like to share "his" laptop.  He missed that 'sharing' part of Kindergarten). The way he presented this present-when-we-are-supposed-to-be-NOT-SPENDING was in the manner of practically throwing the box at me as we were packing the truck to drive up North.
He flashed this little grin that spoke.....You can't get mad at me ...it's a LAPTOP and on SALE and YOU FUCKING LOVE ME.

Son of a bitch I do. 


  1. You are a certifiable loonay. Thats our bond, if there were signs identifying loonies, we would both have one. Maybe a graphic of the hand going round and round by the temple. Good luck to yr friend on the guinea hen crisis. One good thing about edible pets is you get to kill them and eat them, unlike bed-partners. Well, not the kill part. Not supposed to, anyway. (Looks innocent,wanders off whistling).

  2. fucking hillarious...

    and that is why you do not post twice a day, cuz that was just to awesome!!!


    stupid stuff i see and hear
    bruce johnson jadip

  3. Damn, he's got you by the... nipples?

  4. Man, don't you hate when men do the most perfect thing ever and you know they'll never let you forget it? Men....

  5. "Man, don't you hate when men do the most perfect thing ever and you know they'll never let you forget it? Men...."

    Love it. Love it. Love it. ; )

  6. I'm so onboard with your man-friend. I don't share my laptop either. That's what my husband is getting from me for Christmas.
    And thanks for the guinea fowl picture, I honestly didn't think I could go one more day without knowing what they looked like!
    Oh, and craptastic is a word??? Terrific! It shall replace vulva as my new favourite word!
    PS: I love you, you make me smile and laugh every single time!

  7. If I make you all giggle it's so worth it. As Gord knows...I am just as certifiably loony in person.

    It's all for the shits and giggles!!

    PS: Craptastic is fantastic.

  8. I was reading a few of your last entries. You are so damn HILARIOUS! Where do you come up with this stuff? I am laughing so hard I almost peed on myself! Wow, keep it up...


  9. Haha Thanks!

    I'm just as weird in person. ;)

  10. Why did you unfollow me? It's okay, really. But what did you find so unentertaining or offensive. I never get to ask this question. Please answer what everyone needs to know.

  11. Oh Kal..nothing bad it's just that you post so frequently and it fills up my blog feed reader. It's just a matter of convenience.

    I still follow :)


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